Another letter to Amanda.

Dear Amanda. As always I hope you are doing well where ever you are. <3
This day of the year is always a difficult one for me.
I've said it before but... Sometimes it's hard to believe how much time has passed. Seems like it was just yesterday at times...

Things continue to whir by and lots of interesting and eventful things have happened not just in my personal life, but, in general in the world.
A lot of things have changed, and a lot of other things have remained the same or very similar.
Since the last letter I sent I'm still managing to mostly avoid the deep depression I was in before. I've been doing a lot better...

I realize a lot of time has passed in that time that I've been sad that I could have spent in other ways if I wasn't sad...
And, I know you wouldn't want me to be sad either... But, I'm human and I feel like I really need to feel my feelings.
I'll never get over what happened, I'm just finally starting to push in the other direction a bit and trying to be more positive/happier for a change and see what happens.

One thing I'm super excited about is that I've been making some music lately and trying spoken word poetry!
I know you were a musician to some extent, I wish I could have got to hear some of your music.
I'm not very good yet at any of the stuff I'm doing, though, I'm pretty passionate about learning and getting better and maybe oneday I'll become more skilled!
Despite my lack of skill I think some people have noticed my passion because I've got some positive responses!

I also performed one of the poems that I had wrote for you as spoken word with music behind it and it got a positive response.
When I performed the piece I imagined/pretended that you were there in person or spirit and I was doing it directly for you and it felt special or weird...
I'm not sure how to describe it with words, though, I felt some kind of extra energy there and I may try to do that again in the future at some point.
Music and language can be so powerful... I'd like to keep learning more about these things, I feel like it's been beneficial for me on many levels.

I'm listening to the sound of rain on YouTube as I write this because the rain reminds me of you since you told me you liked the rain so much.
I saw a really beautiful rainbow the other day also, scratch that it was two rainbows, a double rainbow.
Rainbows often remind me of you as well, I remember there was one I filmed on my phone once on your birthday and it made me think that maybe it was a sign from you.

My main goal is still mainly making money right now and I've not been doing that great in that area, however... At least my cashflow stopped going down finally and it's been going up a bit recently, not up much but at least it's going up instead of down.
The writing job I was doing was not paying very much at all so I decided to start writing some books that I can sell myself, though, that like numerous of my other goals are more longerterm and I need to keep trying to find something better I can do shorterterm.
I might try writing for that company again and work on improving my skills even more as you can earn a lot more than I did if you're more skilled, however... Definitely just needed to take a break from that as it was bothering my eyes a bit looking at the screen for so many hours.

So, there's a bit of uncertainty there, yet, I have a feeling things will somehow manage to work out and in the meantime I'll keep looking for good opportunities and working on products that I can sell myself.
I'm also moving back in the direction of photography and have been focusing on and thinking about ways to sell my pictures more and I want to look into stock photography and limited editions again soon.
Oh! I almost forgot to mention my new crypto coin idea! This is another longerterm sort of thing and definitely not a quick solution... But... I came up with what I think is a really amazing crypto coin idea.

I can't share too much right now because I share these letters that I write you with my connections on social media for anyone else that may somehow be helped by reading this and I don't want anyone to "take" my idea so to speak and produce it before I even have a chance to get started if they have the money to do so.
By the way... I have had quite a few people tell me that these letters I write to you have helped them, so I keep sharing them and even if I didn't share them with the public I would keep writing you anyways as it is a ritual of mine to write you at least 3 times a year at 3 different specific times.
What can I say about this crypto coin without giving anything too vital away... Hmmm...

Jeez. I'm not sure. Lol. I wish I could just blurt it out, yet, I should be careful about this.
Hmmm... Basically, I think the best way to say it is that I think it has the potential to change the world in extremely profound long lasting ways that will help people understand money in an even newer way than before.
I think it's an evolution of money that as far as I know this idea has not been taken by anyone yet, at least in the public world.

I have heard rumors about something sort of like this in the past in conspiracy theory circles...
All speculation of course, as far as I know I'm the first one who came up with this idea.
I think this coin could easily change the world, and perhaps even without a huge amount of funding.
Definitely would need a programmer of sorts and some funds... But... I think I could get it done pretty cheap.

It's one of my new main goals in life and I think I could probably somehow tie it to the other crypto coin ideas I have as well.
It's such a fascinating idea... It's times like this I wish I was rich cause I could change the world so much if I had more money...
I have a really creative mind and I think of some really awesome ideas sometimes!

The other main goal after making money I think is probably still trying to meet a woman in a romantic sense and try to create a relationship and maybe even have a family someday as well.
I kind of really faded from this area because I feel like money is a limiting factor for me and that true love rarely exists in this world without enough money.
And I'm also getting older and less physically attractive and tried so many times over the years only to mostly have my trust and heart broken over and over and I just kinda gave up and stopped for a while.
I'm still on the dating sites, but, haven't checked them nearly as much as I used to... I'm much more focused on money and getting my life in better order and I've been a lot less lonely these days because I've been enjoying my own company so much.

Reminds me about a TedTalks I saw on "marrying yourself", which I think it a great way to look at it. Love yourself first and then maybe you can make it worth with someone else too. :)
Oh and... I was recently a bit surprised to discover that someone I actually am attracted to showed interest in me recently, she lives like over an hour away and I told her my money situation isn't great right now and it seems like she still wants to get to know me more.
I've known her for a while and she's a nice person from what I know and a Christian too like you. Though, even if she changes her mind or already changed her mind and isn't interested in me at any point in time... Then... That's okay. I'm so much more happy with myself now that it doesn't stress me out as much anymore if someone isn't interested in me... I'm here for myself now even if no one else is.
She also helped to remind me that it's not too late, and that I might still connect with someone someday in that way even if it's not her.

I've definitely been a lot more positive about meeting someone!
I feel like I just gotta keep really focusing hard on making money and that it will eventually fall into place.
And... Even if I never fall in love again, I'm so much more at peace now. I'm not worried about it like I used to be...
I gave it a good try and whatever happens is what happens.

Just meeting you and knowing you for around half a year was more than enough.
I'm endlessly grateful I even got to experience that much...
I should get going now. Much love to you always! Bye until next time. <3