I've always got your back!

Photo by Greg Rakozy

The dawning of each day brings with it more bad news.

Political unrest seems to be the new normal
Wars are raging
Domestic and foreign terrorist are plotting
A founder emerges from a garage with a new technology that will disrupt your industry
Water cost more than gasoline
Scientist say population growth requires food to be genetically modified
The summer is always hot but lately, each year summer is hotter than the last.

When taken all together it is no wonder so many people are stressed and anxiety riddled.

I’m not a trained counselor, life coach or mental health practitioner , yet I know I represent the front lines of the battle against those insidious feelings of pain, stress, anxiety and worse.

I have experienced times when I have been down on myself, when I felt my life was wrought with anxiety and I’ve dragged myself into seclusion, I just wanted to be alone. Fortunately I’ve never dragged myself to the cliff and looked longingly into the abyss, thinking all was lost let’s just leave this place and leaped into oblivion. The sad truth is all too often people find themselves contemplating that leap. When they do and when get wind of their thinking, what are we to do?

While I searched for answers. I remembered a short video produced by Brene Brown. The video is intended to show us how we can be most helpful when we discover someone feeling like they've fallen to the bottom of a deep well with no way out. Before seeing the video my first instinct would be to say “Aww, that’s terrible you've lost X but you still have Y and Y is something amazing to look forward too.” I imagine I’m not alone in employing sympathy as the right course of action, when we want to cheer someone who is sad. Brenee Brown’s video suggest otherwise.

Sympathy vs. Empathy

Being sympathetic is easy while exercising empathy is hard. Empathy is hard because it requires us to always be attuned to others and to focus less on talking and to learn to listen.

A survey done in 2010 of college students showed those students scored 40% lower on the empathy scale than students surveyed in 1990 and 1980. The survey results clearly illustrate how people today are much less empathetic than generations that came before them.

In order to be a better family member, friend and colleague I commit to nurturing my sense of empathy in order to show up for the people in my life. I hope I won’t need me to walk them back from the brink, yet in the event they do need me I want to be ready.

Here are singer songwriter Carole King's thoughts on how to support someone in need.
Lyrics
You've Got A Friend

When you're down and troubled
and you need a helping hand
and nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
and soon I will be there
to brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name,
and you know wherever I am
I'll come running, oh yeah baby
to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
all you have to do is call
and I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got a friend.

If the sky above you
should turn dark and full of clouds
and that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
and soon I will be knocking upon your door.

You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
all you got to do is call
and I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

James Taylor: Greatest Hits
Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you.
Well they'll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don't you let them.

You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Oh babe, don't you know that,
Winter spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all you've got to do is call.
Lord, I'll be there, yes I will.
You've got a friend.
You've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.

You've got a friend.