Ahhh this is amazing, the way it opens so innocently, like walking into a room and the floor giving way straight into the mind of the killers. How you start focused on the moment, and the set up the segway into him remembering the murder, very skilfully done. You definitely haven't lost your knack of delivering a story that packs a punch whilst carries easily to the reader.
The murder being triggered by the divorce papers, the unintended attack, and the line about dealing with it right away before the weight of what he has done hits him, he becomes a relatable character. Especially that it was the thought of her leaving entirely that pushed over the edge that took her forever. The fact that he has built up telling himself he did this to stop her taking the kids really comes back so wonderfully later.
There is a grim sense of humour in the early parts of this, that build to the black crescendo of contemplating telling his children, and then the nod back to how he has justified it, and the thought of that reasoning verbalised to them.
But then the ending, I very much took it as the perfect dark touch of humor, how many people were out there making sure they got to the evidence first! Very much enjoyed this ❤️
Thank you for the kind reply! And very happy to hear you enjoyed the story!
Very happy you noticed that, and I also wanted to emphasize, much in the same manner of "if I can't have you, you will die" (so in a sense, he didn't have her either way), that no matter what he'd end up doing, his children were fatherless. He would either be in prison, on the run, or dead... I worded this sentence so very poorly, but the more I read it, the more I want to complicate it further, so I'll leave it at that and hope you understand. Sorry!
Hmm, now you're giving me ideas to include some seriously dark humor in my upcoming stories... Maybe I should, but then again, maybe that's not safe. :P
What I believe is very, very dark about this story, and may leave a person somewhat haunted, is that how many people can have the idea of ending it all... while driving their car... And your car just so happens to be, by pure chance, the one driving towards them... And all that stands between them and you is that thin white line sprayed on the concrete floor...
You know what, I think that sentence says it perfectly :p an almost 'if i can't be with my kids, neither can you' version? So caught up in the personal emotion of the moment that rational thinking turns off and he can't see how his actions are bound to come between him and his kids eventually.
Oh you totally should, pfff safe, who wants that :p
In all honesty, that hadn't gone in properly - which I hasten to add isn't a reflection of your story telling (your spacing and timing at the end really does hinge the focus there really well) more my hectic life and very glad you highlighted that <3 It is a very unsettling notion, both how easy it to be the on coming headlights, the literal light at the end of someone else's dark tunnel. And how all it takes to escape is to stray over that little white strip of paint, (whilst fucking damn you! also forcing me to think about the other person on the other side of the road and consequences of a seemingly easy way out) it is a fitting way for the character to behave, once again so burdened by his emotion that the rational thinking ceases to function. It caps the story really well, bringing his behaviour full circle showing how, as much as the experience may have changed him, deep down when it comes to it, his emotions still take over.
And then the kicker of the note, cos regardless of what they found out, to have left them a note saying "I loved you more than anything in the world" - it blatantly isn't true, he hasn't actually put them or their feelings first. If he really did love them more than anything else in the world, he wouldn't have done either of those things. It feels more like he loved what he was to them, it was never a selfless love that wanted the best for them, and even a dad away in jail would have been better for the kids. Almost a fitting mirror of the original arrangement he could have had, weekend visitations and all. Must be a all or nothing sort of person. Although, the more I think about this, it kind of feels more like a story of a man crying out he has been blinded by love, when instead he can't see for the tears and the pain.
Overall, you have left me very glad I can't drive haha