Yes, you already know what you need to do...take that drive if it is the best way for you to reflect, contemplate and recharge. Your post reminded me of just how incredibly hard we are on ourselves. We can be so forgiving of others yet not afford ourselves that same grace. Seems to me that you are finding that balance. Just drive. You'll know when you are ready to turn back.
i wish i knew what to do. I feel like i'm driving backwards, into the past, and reliving all of my mistakes. that i haven't learned a damned thing.
Oh you have indeed learned something--a very valuable skill, actually. Introspection. There is no harm at all in going through periods of retrospection, in order to get your footing in the present. Take that time to look back and get alignment with your present ...just don't stay there. Let the pain exist for a little while without judging it. Decide what you want next---then bitch slap the world until you get it, because you know as well as I do that you can! Take your power back.
already tried bitch slapping the world for what I want. lost. according to some people the universe knows what I need, but it delivered this shit. other people say I need to love myself to find inner peace. that I need to give without wanting. introspection? been there done that. imho an endless supply of hugs would go a lot farther.
Here's a hug. HUG!!! And here's another....HUG!!! You'd get mad at me if I kept doing this. But what I can tell you is that you are a giving person, a person with feelings, you have a kindness about you, and you are indeed loved. What you are experiencing is a speedbump, not a roadblock.
Infinite hugs accepted and returned in kind, from both of you!
HUG
hug!!