Short Reflections 4 - Love and the North Wind
I'll begin with the first stanza from Khalil Gibran's 'On Love' in The Prophet:
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.*
As I began to emerge from that long, 'dark night of the soul' described in Reflections 3, the spiritual journey began to take on the narrative and form of Love. And truly, what better way to keep a 23yr old going than send him a proverbial Eve? Life really knows what its doing sometimes :-)
So Love foremost, and loving this woman as an expression thereof, became my everything and my blind, sincere, anchor to purpose. Of course what Love had in mind for me, and what I thought was going on, were two very different things. I thought I was going to be with this person, walk with them along a spiritual road of deepening and realization. Love's plans....well, lets generously call it grace.
Where I sought to build, Love came to raze. For my dreams of a future with this person, Love summarily dispersed as imagination. The relationship went on for 4 years, across countries, continents and many heartbreaking discontents. And over and over I learned Love's one lesson for me, that Love is deeper than it's forms.
I had tried with everything I had to love someone else, and to receive Love in return through this effort. I realized later, that I did so as a means of hanging on to an idea of myself, to achieve a sort of small salvation on my own terms. Fortunately, life kept pulling me deeper, and though the disillusion was sharp and lasting, the undoing of Love had made me pliant and ready for the next step.
*The Prophet is a wonderful read, and full of wisdom and beauty
You can read the full section On Love here: http://www.katsandogz.com/onlove.html
I'll also post it separately, as its beautiful and worth sharing.
I inscribed Love on a tree, after a forest fire. An apt metaphor.
Thank you for posting
Lovely photo, I know this story may be painful so I apologize for asking but when you said "undoing of Love " - could you expand on what happened that made the relationship dissolve? I am always curious about other peoples triumphs and struggles in dating relationships.
Thanks.
If I had to name a primary reason I'd say the relationship ended due to a series of small and large infidelities by aka Eve. We were living in different countries for awhile; she in Spain and Ecuador, myself in Egypt and the States. Well, you know the story... The missteps occurred within the first year, but neither of us had the maturity to support a healing within the relationship, so the wounds went on and on. We both tried of course, but her guilt and my humiliation were a powerful combo.
It was just right to be honest; enough pain to show me that though love through relationship was wonderful, it was not enough to live my life by.
Eventually we separated when I moved to Australia. We had been living in India together for 2 years, but by that time I was well into a sitting practice, and knew I needed to find a teacher. We had a strong connection, but life took us apart - me to Australia, her back to the States to be with her mother (whom had cancer).
Wow. That is painful to hear. Thanks for sharing this.
Thats alright; I know it was tough at the time, but I can't really remember what it felt like actually. Its funny though because just a couple weeks ago a little remnant of that pain came up in me! It seems like a lifetime ago now :-)
Hmm, glad to see your making progress. It is weird how time can make months seem like years..