The Weather Report #7 - week ending 29.10.17

The Weather Report 7

the weather in Baghdad will be cooling down rapidly over the next few weeks. daily temperatures will be a slightly chilly 28C - 32C (79F-87F). precipitation will hold fast at 0%, the wind will drop to 7mph and humidity will top out at around 34%. by European standards it’s actually going to be lovely weather, with most people down to only two costume changes a day (compared to the 7+ of high summer). so it is going to be t-shirt and shorts by day, polo shirt and chinos in the evening. as we enter the winter season, the Baghdadi’s are gearing up for their annual Start-up weekend with investment opportunities from all over Iraq coming to pitch their ideas. it really is a buyers market at the moment - you’d be crazy not to invest.

Baghdad Start-up weekend - Powered by HUMAN AUCTION

Meanwhile, elsewhere…

1. ASIA - CHINA:
   the 19th annual Communist Party Congress - with over 2,280 delegates because in china that is only the vital people - were “asked” if they wanted to enshrine Xi Jinping's name in the country's constitution. now this in itself might not seem so important to us here in the civilised west. firstly, who cares about china, right? secondly, who cares about communists, right? and thirdly, if we don’t even expect our own governments to win by a majority or ask the people who they want running the country then why should we care about China doing it, right? whilst all of those are valid positions, the reason it matters more is because the person “asking” the congress about enshrining Xi Jinping's name in the country's constitution was… you guessed it - Xi Jinping. guess what else happened? it passed overwhelmingly.

Literally EVERYTHING is made in China these days

1. EUROPE - UK:
   Holocaust memorial to steal glory over other memorial at Victoria Tower Gardens. the Buxton Memorial - representing the abolition of slavery feels particularly ignored. which is ironic given the higher than ever number of people actually enslaved right now, worldwide. The Burghers of Calais also feel like this glory-chasing by the Jews (“so, what, no one else died in forced labour camps in enormous numbers during WW2?”) will mean people have less time for burgers. preferring to avoid confrontation, the passive aggressive sculptures/memorials have started their own, closed, Facebook group to discuss their options.the goat with kids by the small stone wall is already back in therapy, having taken quite a hit to their confidence at being so much smaller than the other statues. the whole family are hoping to relocate to an as yet unnamed European city “we were looking to leave before Brexit anyway” said the smaller of the kids “this just helped reinforce that decision”. the 1930 statue of (suffragette) Emmeline Pankhurst by Arthur George Walker has been sulking all week. she posted a :’-( face on twitter, put “perturbed & betrayed” as her “how are you feeling today?” status of her Facebook public profile, and, just this morning, threatened to leave social media all together to “try and make a difference the old-fashioned way”. plans are already progressing for the protest campaign. a live stream on Twitch is confirmed - chaining as many feminist statues and memorials as she can muster (and she sure can muster) outside parliament. 11,045 people have clicked “yes” they will be attending the Facebook event “Victoria Tower Gardens Rally” with 29,432 “maybe”, 7,366 “I Wont Be Attending” and over 15,000 replies of solidarity. the Testicular Cancer Memorial has been approved by all parties however.

Testicular Cancer Memorial Proposal - absolutely fine

1. AFRICA - TANZANIA:
   13 people were arrested for promoting homosexuality, which is a crime in the east African nation. normally promoting homosexuality would consist of fabulous shoes, a nice flat, possibly some flirting… in gay strongholds like Brighton, Tel Aviv or San Francisco and if you are SUPER lucky - maybe even a blowjob. sure, in Tanzania it includes these things, but it also covers taking part in a public meeting to discuss challenging a law stopping private health clinics from providing HIV and AIDS services. and not one of those unenforced old-school laws we forgot to nullify. three South African lawyers were amongst those arrested, and were subsequently deported because, according to Lazaro Mambosasa, “Chief” of Dar es Salaam police, “they were promoting homosexuality”. The arrests come a month after Deputy Health Minister, Hamisi Kingwangalla, publicly pledged to "fight with all our strength against groups supporting homosexuality in our country”. the Tanzanian government, keen to drive their people back into the stone age at full-speed, has banned imports of water-based lube (because only queers use lube) and drop-in centres serving key populations at risk of HIV. both are essential to the prevention and treatment of HIV/AIDS. all this as Tanzania faces environmental disaster due to deforestation, loss of biodiversity, soil erosion and general environmental destruction. the main GDP contributing industries - mining, fracking and agriculture are to blame, and this is a very real problem when they; account for 50% (24% agriculture + 26% industrial) of the GDP; make-up 85% of exports; half the population are employed in these industries and half your electricity comes from natural gas. Add to that 34% of the population living in poverty, and 18% of all electricity generated was either stolen or lost due to transmission/distribution issues last year and you have the ingredients for a perfect storm. but yeah, consenting sex between men is bad.

Gay dogs - banned in Tanzania

1. EUROPE - DENMARK:
   From January 2018, cannabis will be legalised as part of a four-year trial. patients will be prescribed cannabis if the treatment fits the diagnosis according to the Copenhagen Post. however many horticulturalists are choosing to ignore the requirements to legally apply for a license as they “will be a very complicated set of rules" to grow the plant, and stoners don’t like complicated. or licenses. or rules. 13 companies queued politely to apply for licenses to grow marijuana. the Danish government deny (remember what it means when a government confirms something unequivocally?) they have made it prohibitively complicated/expensive for the average Jane or Joe. not only that, but they claim it will be easy and cheaper to use cannabis in many medical cases. currently, legally or illegally, the price of marijuana in Europe is, £10 - £20 ($13 - $26/€11 - €22) a gram for “buds” of varying quality and around £50 - £100 ($65-$130/€56-€112) a gram for concentrates (BHO, shatter, isolater, etc…). but Lars Tomassen, director of Danish Cannabis claims under current legislation it would cost some 6,000 krone (£715/$935/€808) per patient a month - EVERY MONTH!? to “adequately” treat the average patient”? this has led some to question just how much it would actually cost to comprehensively treat the average patient. also the likelihood of life-long treatment e.g. rheumatoid arthritis, parkinson disease… is unlikely as the bill runs into the millions. several sources are now suggesting that the government is attempting to price normal horticulturalists out of the market and thereby maintain their absolute monopoly on the drugs trade themselves. which is crazy talk, i know. maybe a long time ago we may have done that. one time, maybe, but it isn’t normal practice and the last time anyone did that… Afghanistan was occupied. by… yes, ok, by us, but to be fair the heroin is a lot better now than it was in the early 2000’s.

Denmark - might not need any more weed

1. SOUTH AMERICA - GUIANA (FRENCH OCCUPIED):
   Emmanuel Macron’s visit to the French-occupied colony was marred by pitched battles between protesters and police in on Thursday (26.10.17). it went on for a little while and got quite exciting. anyway, apparently it was “unclear why the local population were upset”, said some French people we know through AirBnB. most nations would love to be colonised by the French, and yet this honour seems not to be what the French Guianans were looking for. everyone knows that countries colonised by the British, French or Spanish - some several hundred years ago - were/are the lucky ones. not only did they get to stay in their own country, probably, but they also reap the rewards of their chum/overlord’s other… “interests”? then petrol bombs, tear gas, blockades and industrial action (aka going on strike) gripped the small country, and in particular its capital, Cayenne - where spicy food was invented. the French authorities were proper moany, and got unwittingly drawn into a game of verbal tennis.
   France to Serve
   “there is no reason for this kind of behaviour” they said. “apart from significant social deprivation” the locals said.
   0-15
   “you have jobs and the same conditions as French citizens” they said. “we have 23% unemployment. double that of France” said the locals.
   0-30
   “we are including you in our space program” they said (they launch rockets etc into space from French Guiana). “money is being poured into Guiana” said the locals “for prestige space projects”
   0-40
   adding the “welfare of ordinary people in French Guiana has been near-totally neglected”
   GAME - F. G.
   F.G. to serve.
   some, mainly the Guianans, argue that French Guiana should be granted full independence like all the, every single one, other South America country previously occupied by a European one with better weapons. France disagrees, refusing even to recognise it as a country and instead calling it the second largest region of France by land area. it is also, somehow, the largest outermost region of the European Union (of which it is part).

Macron’s wardrobe choice - pissed EVERYONE off

Have a sunny week,

HA
@humanauction