I close my eyes, then open them again.

Now why on earth did I do that? Why, exactly, was I closing my eyes like that?

It feels sorta pointless, especially since it basically was purposeless. I just did it to get started, but… why?

Why do I keep asking questions, why do I keep doing pointless things? Why do I ask myself why I ask pointless questions, then follow that up with a few more? What am I doing? What am I saying? Why peanut butter?

Well, the last one is rather obvious, but the first … 5? I’m guessing 5. Why don’t I know how many questions I asked? Did I just answer my own question in an ironic way?

Does explaining a joke make it no longer funny? Yes. Yes, it does.

Moving on…

Umm. Flowers, peanuts, handbags, looking for the topic at hand.

Why does the topic need to be at hand anyway? Why don’t we have any topics at foot? Wouldn’t that be more interesting?

Maybe we just don’t want it to be crushed underfoot. Or perhaps we don’t like feet. We’re not weird like that.

Or are we?

Let’s try to ignore that last sentence.

Moving on. Why are we moving so much? Doesn’t that make us miss things?

Exactly.

So… wait, what? Are you just trying to distract us? Why would you-

Does anyone else like bananas? Bananas are cool, right? If not, we can just talk about something else, like pants.

…

Ok, fine. Not pants. Maybe something else instead, though. We can sing, we can dance, we can-

Yeah, you’re just trying to dist-

Peanut Butter! That’s it, we can always talk about peanut-

Nope, I’ve overused that one. Ok, so how ‘bout them Yankees?

Ok, no. We’re not doing that. Perhaps some cake, then. Yes, the cake is it. We should just have cake. Or eat it. Or both.

pixabay

Wait, no.

That’s not going to work.

Ok, never mind.

Did I ever tell you about that time a friend of mine mentioned how he’d dropped his cake so he couldn’t eat it, and I responded:

“Wait, you had cake? And then you dropped it? Or course, it’s a saying – You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”

And he got really mad at me.

-hyperbole out.