Selfishly Selfless

When you are seated in an airplane, with the plane getting ready for take off, and the flight attendants are performing their safety routine, you are reminded that if situation occurs, you are to put your own oxygen mask before assisting the people beside you. You can never help efficiently if you don’t give yourself the chance to do what you need to do before helping somebody else. The first thing you need to do is to secure yourself.

I am that kind of person that I want everything to be light for somebody else. If life is already hard, maybe extending my hand will help. The thing about empathy is that you think that it’s your responsibility to hold, to protect, and to heal people in some ways. But in being a YES person, instead of offering just a hand, I’ve also offered my arm, without even noticing it.

According to psychotherapists, ‘the inability to say NO is directly linked to the need of seeking approval from others.’

When we say no, guilt will immediately confront us. But I’ve come to realize that we should know how to set boundaries. Brene Brown, an author and one of the best TED talk speakers I know, said that the most compassionate people were also the most ‘boundaryed’.

Self care is not selfish. Loving yourself, growing yourself or wanting to get better is the best form of selfishness when the aim is selflessness. Sometimes, you have to put yourself first. “You can’t save a drowning person with a sinking ship.” That is why, secure your boat first to avoid more casualties. It’s ok to say NO 🙂