A Love Note From A Mom

To my dearest Jeira,

Being a mother is not easy, I started to realize how my mom feels when I have you. I came to think that I'm not alone in my life anymore, that I already have you as my full responsibility. No more window shopping, less hanging out with friends, need to go home early because someone is waiting for me, and even lesser time to myself. I am not a lady anymore. I am a mother.

People would think that I am too young to be a mother, pointing out that I have wasted my life and gave up all my dreams, questioning how on Earth would I raise you. I will prove these people wrong. Having you changed one thing, I do not plan and dream for myself alone, but for you and our family as well. And now, step by step, I am finally achieving my dreams with you and with your Dada @jeffsamson.

Before, I was not ready to have you yet. It is not because I don't want you, God knows how much I am thankful having you and how much I love you. I was not ready before because I don't know what life I could give you because your Dada and I were only 18 years old at that time. I was worried because I don't know if I could be the mother you would want me to be. But I promise you that I would love and take care of you in the best way I could.

I carried you for almost 9 months. You were a late pre-term baby because you were lacking 3 days to reach 9 months. When I was in labor for 12 hours, I felt excited and I felt nervous too. I was on CS delivery. I've watched my OB-gynes' busy hands working, was able to look at the reflection all throughout the delivery until one of the nurses injected me another anesthesia to fall asleep. I've waited just to see you. With the help of my anesthesiologist, I fought the dizziness I felt to stay awake. When I saw your head coming out from me and heard your loud cry, I felt relieved and happy.

You were a healthy baby when you came out until the next day arrived and you were sent to the hospital's Nursery Intensive Care Unit. The problem was your lungs weren't fully developed yet and your case was hypersensitive. Your Dada and I did not know what to do. It made us feel so weak to hear that. Seems like our world crashed into pieces. I have seen you in pain, the times when you felt difficult to breathe, all those medical equipment connected to you, all those laboratory tests. At first, I kept on asking why it happened to you, kept blaming myself. I never wanted you to experience those kinds of pain. We didn't know what to do but pray. Asking for a miracle to happen. Hoping and praying that you will be okay.

After I got out from the hospital, I was not able to see you for 5 days. I couldn't even think straight by that time, all I wanted to do is to see you. From the day I saw you again, your neonatologist allowed me to breastfeed you. And from there, you quickly recovered. All those medical equipment were being removed one by one, and we finally brought you home. I would never forget that day, the day that a miracle happened. From that day, I became stronger. Not only for myself, but also for you.

From the moment you were born, I love you more than anything else. I never and would never get tired on loving you and being a mother to you. You're a talented, intelligent, sweet, loving, and caring daughter. We won't trade you for anything else. You are the greatest gift that we received and we will be forever thankful for that. You change our life in the most beautiful way. Yes, We weren't ready that much when God gave us a precious little baby, but when I saw you made me realize that I really deserve to be your mother. You changed me for the better. I am blessed to have you in my life. No regrets at all.

Love,
Mom

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