Why I Write

in #writing7 years ago

selfie.jpg

When I came back from Vietnam I had one goal- to get as fucked up as I could and to sustain it for as long as humanly possible. Like I had done throughout my life, I kept everything locked deep inside. I had just killed over 50 people and that's not what bothered me... what bothered me is that it should have bothered me but didn't. I've never really felt like I was a part of the human race, or really belonged here.

Anyone that read my life story on here knows that from when I was 5 until I was rescued by my uncle at 10 I was handed around a bunch of pedophiles that molested me over and over. The only salvation I had was a set of encyclopedia that my father (who I met 3-4 times) had given me. I had those encyclopedia and whatever books I was able to gloam. They were my escape and they were the only thing that kept me in this world... I'm convinced of that now. I could open a book and go anywhere and be anything. I could be in my castle in the Bavarian Alps- King of all I surveyed. I could be in the jungles of Africa, or at the Grand Canyon. I taught myself to read and have read everything I could get my hands on since. One funny side note: Many of the words that I thought I knew, I heard years later and man, was I off- but I knew enough to be able to escape and that's what I've done all of my life, escape... escape and survive.

My escape from Vietnam, which took the form of drugs and alcohol, almost killed me. I got malaria in Nam and it's a disease that you never get rid of. As long as I stay fairly healthy, it remains in remission. Toward the end of my drinking, I kept getting sick and if I hadn't gotten sober, I wouldn't have lasted another year. What does any of this have to do with writing you ask? It was only after I began to talk to others with similar experiences (Vietnam) that I was able to exorcise those demons. Writing allows me to exorcise the demons of my past.

In the last episode of The Night Gods I wrote a scene in which a girl is raped and murdered. I drew from a similar experience that had happened to me. Obviously I'm not a girl and when my head struck the table I didn't die, but the rest is real. Writing fiction allows me to weave my experiences into stories... things that are happening to people that only exist in my mind. When I write I live every life and every experience of the characters I'm writing. If I don't believe the story, how can I expect you to believe it? It's difficult to live or relive these experiences... in fact it's exhausting, but it also has it's rewards. While I was writing the rape scene, I threw up, but now that demon is gone- forever. One down, a million or so to go!

So if you want to write, read. Read everything, but make sure to read something with some quality... authors like Faulkner, Steinbeck, Salinger... don't just read junk. Forget about style, it will come on its own. I know I'm not a good writer... yet- but I am getting better. The more you write, the better you get. So, read... read and live and write about it. I hope this has been at least a little helpful.

badge.pngicross.jpg V V.jpg

Sort:  

writers are those who write.
there is no other criteria.
Carry on.

WOW !! fully loaded of infomation.... thanks for sharing... still trying to learn everything... i think i will follow you

Be patient and it will come... thanks!

Excellent post, you're writing is wonderful! Writing is a purge that can indeed free you. You have had many hurdles to overcome. Although I am not a combat vet, I served during the Cold War era and was one of a handful of women at a nuke base in the mid to late 70s. It was not easy and I thank you for your service🐓

And thank you... for your service and your kind words!

Read and live and write. I like that. You keep posting, I keep reading.

Works for me!

Thank you for your service [vietnam vets are so under appreciated] and im glad your pulling through what life has done, good luck in your future writing

Thank you!

another great story, mate

Thank you my friend!

Damn rich!.. that's some struggling in your life :O
But as you said it made you into the person you are today and in the end that's what counts.

I think many people even myself have experienced some rly shitty stuff, some more than others, but we wouldn't wanna change a thing because of who we have become because of it. :)

That's the beauty of living live on a world like this though seeing the dark and moving through it and becoming empowered eventhough there was no power to be found at those times.

Transforming the limitations.

What limitations? Without the dark, we'd never appreciate the light!

yeah true but I mean it in the sense of the dark experiences make us feel powerless but they are the light experiences in disguise so it forms us, so the growth can only come from the most darkest experiences just like you say, and that's why people who been through the shitter are actually the most humble ones. :)

I'm actually planning to make an entire post about something like that and how it works on an energetic level.

I guess that's one way to look at it. I've never felt powerless, it just makes me work harder.

lol the picture which got me to read :D

I was much younger and better looking then!

Oh man! you had a real hard time!

It made me who I am.

Loading...

My Old friend, reading you now affirm that i haven't seen anything in life.

I was lucky to escape been raped by a teacher back in high-school, my boarding house school which i call semi-jail.

Sorry for the past that we can't change Ol' Richie, it's been an honor to know you via Steemit.

The honor is mine my dear friend... I'm happy to have a Brother!