How I wasted two years into video games

I remember the exact day and feeling when I bought my first bitcoin in December 21st 2017. There was excitement but more than that: it was regret and fomo. Why?

I had heard about bitcoin (dark web and silk road) but never understood it or known about blockchain. Back then, bitcoin could have been mined with any cpu. I blame myself in not doing any research, and not seeing the bigger picture. 2016 should have been the year I listened and paid attention to Bitcoin and Etherium. I could have done many things, like setting up a gpu mining rig, or even buy $100 worth of etherium and such. I could have tried to learn programming, and maybe by now I could be fluent in java or c++. Instead I was playing League of Legends and Starcraft 2, and watching twitch streams for the majority of that time.

Blissfully unaware of blockchain, the crypto community, and and concepts of smart contracts or programming, almost all my time went into video games. Video games are cool and all, but at the end of the day, they do almost nothing to further advance my life. Yes video games can have social features and you can talk to someone in Canada or California on discord, and yes, you can make really cool plays and have them uploaded on Youtube as a montage or short clip. But do video games bring fulfillment into your life?

In short, the answer is no. They are "games." Now I am not trying to bash anyone who plays video games. I am just speaking from my own experience. Trust me, I love video games.
I loved video games so much because they were almost like an alternate reality where "creative rule breaking" is possible vs the 'corporate and capitalistic reality' we live in. It was a way to have fun with skill and there was so much to do, quests, leveling up, grinding, etc.. , and it was a way to waste all of my time.

And I will admit this: back then, I did not really appreciate and value my time as I should have. I did not truly appreciate life either. I did not care whether I was alive or dead in real life, because I had no spark, no purpose, no greater reason to continue and grow.

In this. the enemy was myself. No discipline, no goals, nothing. I was just alive each and every day, going to work doing my hours, paying my bills, and all for what. I truly questioned the deepest levels of existence and contemplated its meaning.

Why universe. What was the point. I was studying physics back then but the math was too advanced to me that I essentially gave up and didn't go to school for the next two years. Financially it was too much to afford even 4-8 credits of my major and I gave up on trying to learn Calculus 1 and 2 on my own..
Calculus was just something I could not 100% understand and execute well. It was the most frustrating part about it, and almost why I just gave up later on. I am a very harsh critic to myself, especially because I consider that every human being a biological super computer that can solve the mystery of the universe. (yeah, this is pretty much my philosophy)

And if my primitive brain is unable to handle math and physics, then there is no point in being alive or breathing. It took 16 billion years of physics and chemistry doing their thing, and only recently as 7 billion years ago, the first organic and biological lifeforms existed. And we live in an age where we are building a freaking AI.. We are either going to make it or break it to a type 1 civilization. And they fact that humanity has come this far, but only obtaining so little wisdom to it all, it really made me question exactly why the hell I am here and alive today.

At this point in time, I can say that crypto has sparked a lot of life and motivation to me. It makes me want to go out and work as hard as I damn can, a reason to put 100% effort into it. It is a type of financial empowerment where I feel like I can finally do something for myself because I Believe in Crypto. Every since I learned about the blockchain, I was almost speechless and mindstruck. A decentralized ledger. No need for banks. It was real power to the people. Sataoshi Nakamoto's vision. It almost brought me to tears because it brought back hope.

So now here I am. Looking at a computer screen, trying to learn all this terminology and such. I realize crypto is still in it's infancy and there is so much more to learn. Then I also see the new investors coming in, putting thousands of dollars into it and yeah I'll be honest: I sometimes get really jealous and infuriated at myself. I know a lot of us are driven by greed. The incentive to 10x. 20x. or 100x your money is very tempting, so much so that we'd be willing to throw everything into the crypto basket. These are times I need to remind myself, as Ivan the tech one said, "the money should be the least interesting thing about cryptocurrencies," The more I read about the technology, the more I see what he means.

So far after two months, I've been able to invest less than 1/4 of 1 grand. They are in stellar, cardano, and I am hodling 1 NEO for dear life. Kinda sad I bought it for 150 but whatever, the markets man.
So Even tho my job sucks, its still the reason why I am able to pay for a computer, a phone, food, etc... But I really really need to grind. There are people who are younger than me (i'm 26) and they are doing some of the most fantastic stuff out there. And that's why I need me a second job. To catch up when I am already this behind means I need to do double the work in the same time span.

So, this the end to a rant. I want to end the note by saying thank you for those are reading and best of luck out there in the real world. I know each and every one of you can do it. Blessed are you if you are already into it and financially stable already. But also blessed are people like me, so long as we do our thing: work. pay bills, buy and hodl crypto, we can have the opportunity to see it grow.