STORY ABOUT A TIME I DECIDED TO KILL MYSELF

No, this is not click bait. This is an actual story about one of the darkest times in my life and I believe many people can relate and learn from it.

A little over a year ago, after I had found out that I was going to be a father, I ran.
Was I scared? Yes, but that wasn't the reason I ran. I ran and hid for months because I knew I was not the father I should be and believed that someone else might come along that is a better fit.

I know what you might be thinking, "he's a coward" or "real men don't run". But I had to learn the hard way.

I really believed that I was doing everyone a favor by disappearing, in my head I was the cause of all the problems and by taking myself out of the equation I was solving the problem. In fact, this lie that I had bought into followed me everywhere I ran. In a short amount of time, I depleted my entire savings and even shot myself into debt, i destroyed my credit score, I drove myself deeper and deeper into depression and hurt everyone who meant something to me on the way.

I contemplated my suicide everyday, trying new drugs to numb myself, long walks without even being able to shed a tear because by this point I felt so empty. I would gaze in the distance for hours and feel absolutely nothing except a dark, lonely feeling that Is complex to explain yet you all know what i am talking about if you have struggled with depression.

So when did the decision to finally kill myself happen?

Here's how the story unfolds....

I remember it clearly, as if it were yesterday, I went on a long walk by myself down the street, not knowing where I was going or what I was doing, just walking. As I was walking, I was thinking of the best way to kill myself, and I do not say that lightly. I considered my options, how could I go back after the decisions I had already made, the embarrassment and shame experienced on another level.

It was in that moment, I made the decision to kill myself. I killed myself in a different way, I decided I would become the person my new family deserved and kill who I was. It was time to sacrifice everything I was to become everything I could be.

I went back, I faced my consequences, and I make the effort to grow and learn as much as I can every day. Has it been hard, yes, but not as hard as dying with a list full of regrets. The struggle is what makes or breaks us, let it make you. If rock bottom is not enough motivation to turn your life around and turn your dreams into reality, i don't know what is.

It is not like I changed my life around and it has been smooth sailing ever since. But it has been worth it and the lesson I have learned have stayed with me through the challenges life brings my way. Actually, I love my life, my son and his mom, my businesses have been growing faster than ever, and I see the bigger picture much clearer than ever before. Something I remember through every storm life brings my way is that life will always throw its challenges your way right before it either showers you with blessings or you give up. Don't give up. Let the blessings rain down.

I think that my story, although extreme, can apply to everyone in some way or another. Thank you for reading, please continue following my journey and sharing all the success with me across the other platforms.

My family means the world to me.
And if there is a contest for best dad in the world im going to win.

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