I am definitely still trying to figure it out too. Mainly I am just trying to instill in my son (who is only 5) in subtle ways that we cannot control most things in life. That is how I see perfectionism - as a control issue. Obsessional OCD runs in my family, which is definitely a thought process revolving around fearing the inability to control/protect what you most love. The only solution is to accept that nothing can be controlled 100 percent. The most important thing I have learned about it all is that we choose how we react, and largely how we feel. Sorry, not very helpful, but you are clearly a good thinker so I am sure you will break the cycle :)