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RE: my Experiences running a Black Market Cannabis Grow-op
Great post bro. I have so much emotional wounding from the prohibition era that I have a hard time being open with anyone besides my wife, even though its "legal" now. I'm blaming my PTSD on the "War on Drugs"!
You may be partially joking but in my opinion it's no joke. You and many others are suffering from real PTSD caused by real trauma. PTSD can be caused by extreme short term trauma (like seeing someone slaughtered) or by lower-level long term trauma (like an abusive relationship). More of your trauma is of the second type than the first, but it's still real, and it can still cause lasting effects. Avoiding actions associated with the trauma - that's a symptom of PTSD. Feeling extremely uneasy about recounting the details of the trauma is appropriate and normal.
I was hoping now would be a time of healing for those who have been abused (and even ruined) by prohibition, but for the most part the war on drugs is accelerating instead of going away, so there's more work (and trauma) ahead. Take care of yourself as best you can.
I choose to put my trauma to good use, a rational distrust in authority. Did I say rational distrust for authority, I meant irrational fucking hatred for petty tyrants! Government employees should be very worried that the lies they told and in many cases believed themselves through willful ignorance will come back to bite them. It's amazing how easily trust can turn to contempt.