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Beautiful and brilliant post. I am super passionate about this and it delights my heart to see other dads (and dads-to-be) taking this role seriously. I have five kids myself and four of them are girls. From what I can see here, you're going to do an awesome job.

Even though I have no clue how to become a father on a day to day basis, I have to find solace in the fact that I had a really good father.

That's fantastic and is unfortunately pretty rare.

I think that sometimes for parents, it can be tempting to put the kid above everything in life...even the couple itself.

Spot on. Great insight. It is hard to do, and the are a lot of changes are a lot of changes to the dynamic that are appropriate, but there has to still be space for the couple to flourish.

There are a couple of things that I picked up that you may find helpful (you may also already know these things).

First, children are full humans. I know, this is pretty obvious to just about everyone. But our actions and interactions do not always reflect this truth. Kids have the ability for the full spectrum of human experience baked right into them. They are autonomous. How you parent really does matter, but these little humans will chart their own courses. From the get go, they deserve the same level of dignity and respect. That means her body is hers. Her emotions are hers. This empowers them to make decisions and your instruction and life will help guide them, rather than dictate.

Second, our goal is not perfection. And I can see that you understand that. Our first goal should be to do the absolute best that we can with what we have. Our second goal is to give them the tools to heal from our mistakes. That means owning your shit when come up short, because you will. Modeling what it looks like to take responsibility and validating their perspective on the situation. Give them the power to forgive when they are ready to forgive and provide them with other solid adults that they can process with--you mentioned aunts and uncles and I think that is perfect. They should feel safe to complain about mom and dad.

Third, and perhaps the most important, do the work to heal from your own wounds. A really fantastic book that my wife and I have read is called Parenting From The Inside Out (also really enjoy The Whole-Brained Child by the same author, Dr. Siegel). It takes the scope of most parenting books and turns it on its head. The problem that the book addresses is the reality that so many people are trying to figure out how to parent, but are building on somewhat dysfunctional foundations that need some repair. It sounds like you had a great upbringing, and that is fantastic. Even still, your parents were imperfect and there may be some pieces that need to be examined. It is not an innovation to a pity-party or an exercise in shaming your parents. Simply, it is taking the good things you got from them and moving the needle a little closer to ideal.

Phew, this might be my longest comment to date and should probably get put into a post, haha. Anyway, thanks for opening up the discussion and cheers to you, your wife, and your daughter.