Self Love is Power
My obsession with "taming" my hair was intrinsically connected to what I had been taught was desirable, successful and beautiful.
Since I can remember, I have spent so much energy, time and effort trying to get my hair to look like somebody else's. From obsessively blow-drying it and flat iron it straight, to dying it to the point that it was so chemically damaged I had to cut it all off... Simply because I wasn't comfortable with who I was and who I am.
My idea of what attractive was, what success looked like, and what I thought men find attractive has changed drastically over the years. Not only because I have grown, but because what I consider beautiful is no longer based on anybody's perception but mine.
There are many reasons why women like me spend thousands and thousands of dollars chemically altering their hair, their face, their bodies. For me, I never really cared about changing anything but my hair. Luckily, a few years ago, I forgot why but probably because of the birth of my niece, I decided that I needed to start learning to love the hair that grew out of my head as it was and put my focus on bigger things. I also felt it was important that my niece grew up surrounded by women who weren't constantly in a battle to change what they looked like to fit somebody else's standards.
The first couple of months were hard. It was hard not picking up that flat iron and giving myself Sleek, flat, bone straight hair. It was hard to just let my hair be.
The way I naturally looked felt like a stranger staring back at me.
I'm grateful that in those moments I loved myself enough to have the patience and strength to say no. No flat iron. No blow dryer. I'm also grateful that I have the patience that it took to get my hair to how it looks now. I'm still not 100% completely happy but that's okay because I'm more happy with how I look now than I've ever been in my life.
It's been a really long journey, but I'm grateful to all of the people before me who have been fighting this battle with themselves and with Society.
Specifically black women. They have fought tooth and nail, and are still fighting tooth and nail to have their natural hair and appereance accepted as is everyone else's. Did you know that at one point in the USA, their hair was illegal? In some places, it still is.
If it wasn't for black women, and the natural hair movement, I don't think I would have found it in myself to have the courage to wear my hair in a way that is a silent invitation for stares, for people to touch my hair without permission, for people to constantly be telling me how much better I would look if I straightened or dyed my hair blonde.
Those comments used to hurt me so deeply before, some still do. For the most part they make me laugh. And they make me want my hair to be curlier, bigger, wilder,... And completely free.
Just like me. ♡
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It took awhile, but I finally recovered from that humiliating time I was sent home from work for showing up "unprofessionally."
Yeah, I had the nerve to show up with my hair in its natural -- apparently savage -- state.
From that moment, my hair became an ideological statement.
Fuck you, corporate America. And your lame and limited European standards of beauty... which trickle down to even the white-washed billboards I look at here in Mexico.
Anyway, I accept no jobs, friends, lovers, or even invites that have a prob with me, and my natural self.
I love your gorgeous, anarchistic hair, @j3551c4. And the free thoughts that live beneath it.
Resteemed!
Hearing stories like this absolutely infuriates me and breaks my heart. A friend of mine used to tell me stories about how she used to get treated because her hair when she was going to private school when she was like in 4th grade. The worst story was when the teacher called her up to the front in front of the whole class and told her that her hair stank and she had to go home and wash it and to tell her mother to not put that stuff in her hair anymore... Which was coconut oil... Which everybody is obsessed with now.
I'm sorry that this happened to you. I'm sorry that this is happening to anybody. But there is something to be said about forging true strength from adversity. You are a perfect example of this. Thank you for sharing Erika. And thank you for being a trailblazer.
I love your hair Erika! It suits you beautifully. 💕
Hair. "A woman's crown and glory," as my Grandma would say... just before putting that HOT IRON COMB on the blue flames of her kitchen stove, and 'pressing' my hair with grease and heat. As if my kinks, coils, curls and fuzz ever hurt anybody! The self-hatred was perpetuated like a legacy. Still is.
So THANK YOU for speaking so explicitly about it, Jessica. <3
Oh, and because this Hair Thang has been such a big part of my personal development, too, I had this cup made. It's one of the few things brought with me from Chicago. I probably had it with me during the conferences, lol...
this is the cup I speak of from the facebooks. It's rang true.
I absolutely love this.
This post highlights one of many reasons I adore you— and your selfies!
Your hair is awesome! My hair looks a lot like yours. I used to blow dry and try to straighten mine too. Now, I embrace my hair.
Before realizing this post was about your hair, I was going to comment on how gorgeous it is in that photos! :)
Love big crazy hair - the curls freaking beautiful! Chuck's middle daughter has similar curls and has been straightening it for years! I keep trying to get her to wear it curly and big and awesome. I don't have curls like that, but when I'm inthe south (where I was raised), the humidity causes curls and I fought it toot hand nail growing up. I wanted to have that straight hair like so many other girls around me. Now that I'm in dry Colorado, I miss that curl! So happy you are wearing it with pride! Looks great! <3
Hopefully shell realize that her natural hair is beautiful and actualy acentuates her features. Took me a long time to get here...but the natural hair movement wasnt as mainstream whe. I was younger so im hoping more people embrace their hair instead of warring with it lol
Your hair is amazing! I love curly locks! Don’t let anyone ever tell you it’s not beautiful! 💕
Following. 😊
Thank you so much! Took me years to get to this point but now there's no turning back! Followed as well ♡
I feel you. I have issues taming my hair from time to time
Well... That's the whole point of this post. I'm no longer trying to tame anything. ♡
I'm late in my life and finally realized something about me just a couple of yrs ago, that 100% of my sweeties had dark curly hair, from curly like yours to kinky to dreads. It was never a conscious choice, it was just what turned me on, something I never thought about. You should just relax, be yourself, and you will naturally find a lover who appreciates you, and you will have a marvelously natural time together, and maybe even live happily ever after...