Dealing with seasonal/recurring depression... What tips & tricks do you have?
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View this post on Hive: Dealing with seasonal/recurring depression... What tips & tricks do you have?
Hi Kenny,
your post surprised me. I was 2 times in my life really depressed and I would probably be depressed right now if there was not my daughter. At the moment I am on my deepest deep ever. And I had a lot of ups and downs in my life, mostly caused by caging, which every time is destroying almost everything.
First time I was depressed I was in a phase where everything went well except I was working 16 hours a day. Suddenly I didn't open the door anymore, didn't open my letters, mostly invoices and the fucking IRS like institution of the country. I was self-employed in IT administration, so I high necessity of communicate with the customers, but mostly I picked not anymore the phone up. Instead after the second call I logged in remote by the customer and investigated on the servers for problems and solved them mostly. Only when there was no other option anymore after a lot of calls from the same number I picked up the phone with the last ring. I was sitting in front of the phone not able to pick it up (or at least I felt like this). I was 3 months hardly depressed, I started even wasting my time with TV series. Suddenly my life changed: while a customer paid in advance for hardware, while I got the hardware finally unexpected postpaid, the IRS like criminals decided to get all money on my bank account including the money belongs to my customer. Long story short, I customer got delivered the hardware and I couldn't pay anymore because I got robbed by the government. To make it even better and the same government (a judge in this case) decided that I'm guilty of fraud because I had already various records and so I can only be guilty. And because I had various records I could not be punished gently, so I had to get other time caged. Here my rage took me out of depression, I sold everything what was left to leave that fucking country, after shutting down the "legal" business and switching to "illegal" business where I sold holy weed to demanding customers. And fallback into my depression till I decided to move to my source into the alps (mountains) in Switzerland to live with this crazy guy, the cows and growing superb weed. Decided to switch my phone only on Friday between 16:00 and 16:15 on. While observing the cows, listen to nature and breath some fresh air, I was better after 2 weeks and my depression faded away.
Second time I escaped from caging, on the way to Spain, without documents I lost my last cash sleeping in a truck while hitchhiking. Was 2 weeks living on the street and find finally somebody who gave me a call center job and an apartment to live in. It was wintertime, on that island it had 15°C (59°F) but it's very humid and feels so very cold. I made 3000€ working in the call center while the average made 800€/month. So I had other time a little money in my pocket. I got depressed, I was thinking about all what overwhelmed me. On day, I was living 200m from the beach away, I went like everyday to the beach sat with my back against a palm watching the ocean thinking. Suddenly I thought: "you fucking stupid asshole, the sun is shining, sitting against a palm, feet in the sand, money in the pocket to start over again while you had still to be in the fucking gray cell for 1 year more, and you are depressive? Really?". And I started to laugh, I smiled and I decided live is to show to be depressive, so I'm not anymore depressive. There was when I started to run again every day between 5-10km (of course along the beach). For me the ocean is one of the biggest power sources.
Today I'm so exhausted, live in a place that I nowadays dislike, 8 years back it was almost anarchists heaven and today it is a nightmare (can not even write more about it while I'm stuck here). I feel how depression is calling me on the other side, but I can't afford it because of my daughter, so I decide to not become depressive.
And here is the point, maybe it's only in my crazy head like that, but I'm convinced that with depression it's the same like with "drugs". If you are depressed or addicted is only a decision, not more not less. I think depression is that the brain wants a big nap, because it feels tired.
Really, I have no idea if this is only in my crazy thoughts like that or it can help maybe somebody else. I think nobody can get somebody out of depression, only the person itself can decide to cancel depression, and I see similarity to "addiction" in it.
Only thin what I can think of what really would help is going to the beach, alone, best where nobody is around disturbing your thoughts or at least they let you alone there and sitting in the sun and let the thoughts flow. After a while think about the worst alternative of your life at that very moment and decide to enjoy life now, because life is short. No time to waste with unpleasant things while there are so nice things like sun, ocean, beach.....
Maybe you overload your mind with optimizing your live too much? And the fucking system sucks also downward with the shit to swallow every day if someone is not blind, death and dump. I wish you the power to get out of it!
I also have experienced the power of someone worth living for (in your case your daughter and in mine my little sister), which prompts a decision to do whatever it takes to not be depressed, followed by using nature as a healing partner. Thanks for the way you described it and for sharing your story.
I think I've mentioned before in response to one of your posts about your childhood that you and I had a lot of common patterns. No spontaneous physical abuse in my household (just beatings as punishment) but other than that we had a lot in common. I think these patterns in childhood train our nervous systems in a way that makes our neurochemical composition prone to things like depressions, anxiety, hypervigilance, etc. So we have to do things to both address the psychological aspects but also the physical aspects.
There is also a justified rage that gets created by being the victim of repeated violence coming from someone you love, who supposedly loves you more than anyone else does, and upon whom you are completely dependent. This rage must be suppressed because it is unsafe to express it. This habit of suppression of that one emotion becomes a habit of depression of ALL emotions.
In general I lean toward eco-alex's admonition to avoid substances because they are just bandaids. I say that with the caveat that of course, sometimes one really needs a bandaid to get them through. For me I found that St. John's Wort helped me enough for me to function through the depression/anxiety while I was unable to change my situation.
Once I hit a wall and was ready to do ANYTHING to improve how I felt each day, I sold everything I owned and moved to Bali. I was blessed to find a house to rent in the ricefields just 3 days after I arrived, and in that house I was transformed.
First, all the food available to me came fresh out of the fields each day. I had a household helper and she insisted on shopping on her way in each day. This was incredibly good for me. I also cut out all alcohol (which I had kind of done a few years before, but now went to zero) and mostly eliminated meet and animal products. I'd sometimes have chicken or seafood or cheese on a pizza, but very rarely. So this very chemical change caused by food and lack of alcohol was very important. It sounds like you're already doing all of that, so nothing new there. I was able to stop the St. John's Wort doing just that, so whether that herb is strong enough for you is questionable too.
Second, I spent hours each day meditating on the sky, writing in my journal about my spiritual experience (never about anything negative or what I did not like), and practicing my verbal channeling with a tape recorder. I believe that it was this practice of focusing my life on my connection with the expanse of being that made the biggest difference. This is almost all I did each day for the first 4 months.
Third, I was living in a rice field surrounded by forest on a tropical island. I was really out in nature even when in my house. I also went to bed just a couple hours after sunset and got up at sunrise each day. I spent most of my time sitting out on the deck, getting lots of filtered sun. If you're in a place that's cold, and you really have a reason you must stay there through these cold, dark months that force you inside so many hours a day, then it may actually be worth buying sunlamps and paying the extra electric costs for having them on from sunup to late afternoon. This is another chemical issue. The sunlight produces chemicals our bodies may have been trained by trauma to produce in lower supply. Similarly, if you can't go out into a forest for long enough each day, fill your space with plants. They are natural healers. Their vibration will attune yours to health.
Which brings me to, energyfield attunement. Now in my case, I've had actual attunements/empowerments done repeatedly. I've had Reiki and also Medicine Buddha, White, Green and Red Tara, Amitabha, Manjushri, Vajrayogini, Chakrasamvara, and probably a few others I forget. Each time it brings my energyfield back into a balance that was lost to me as a child due to all the fear, worry and sadness that was normalized in my environment.
If you can't find people to give you these attunements, or just don't like the idea of having someone intentionally alter your energyfield, then even just listening to recordings on Youtube of spiritual channels/teachers for hours each day will help. And I do mean for hours each day. You don't have to be sitting focused on them, listening to and intepreting everything they say. Just having them playing in the background as the volume of everyday conversation will be enough to passively attune you. So you're looking for people who feel good when you hear them, not where you necessarily agree with the ideas they're expressing. Ideas don't matter.
Which brings me to my final point. Others have already hit on this one, but I will repeat it to add my emphasis too. The most important mantra I repeat to myself each day is, "What if the contents of my mind don't matter?"
Well what if they don't? What if ideas don't matter? What if there is no such thing as being right? What if we're all generating infinite universes, with each of us the god of only our own, making only the rules that we personally must live by?
The freedom from believing one's own thoughts is the most important freedom to gain.
I have a tip for you that will cost nothing and you can practise it from your sofa at home.
Depression comes from... The mind! Check it with yourself. You get depressed when certain types of thoughts surface to your awareness. Once you stop the mind chatter, the depression will dissolve. At first it will disappear for a few seconds (and you will feel relived for that period of time), then with some practise the ease and good mood will last longer and longer.
How to stop the mind chatter? Just do it! You can use conscious breathing, exercise yourself with activities (alone or with others, what ever suits you). You will find what works best for you (plenty of books on this matter).
The trick is to plant your consciousness in the now moment. Then the mind has less substance to chew on.
Hope it helps 🙂
Brother, I’m sorry to hear about your bout and admittedly i’ve had mine too. i’ve been meaning to write about a natural product (my own research) findings and experience with samE, during the hardest of times i take approx 40mg a day - 2 tablets. the most natural forms have now bee made so find a brand that you feel you are most comfortable with. I will ne writing something by monday. a suicide in my fam has had my home on unrest.
for a male i have read and seen blue green algae to work wonders and although costly is effective. i will do a writeup on that too. also, multiV with b12 and high Bs, calcium magnesiam chelated, the 5htp you said you just got, and L Tyrosene.
Your sis,
Eagle Spirit
feeling you so much brother kenny. i testify eagle spirit sister. blug green algae has helps me daily. in particular the e3live brain on supreme. https://www.e3live.com/p-50-e3live-brainon-supreme.aspx i also add in some DHA in the form of of indoor grown chromista algae. http://www.source-omega.com/ the DHA and EPA between these two algae oils...has healed my brain in so many ways. spirulina too. i have been labeled with most DMSVI diagnoses..and spent many years in rehab facilities on almost every known drug they go could throw at me. that was a decade ago now... so on top of the natural living...and amazing advice already shared in the comments of the post...i would just add....those two algae oils. pure joy for the brain! good fats...like coconut oil too. for detox...coffee enemas!!!!!!!!!!!! oh man....this one is huge. gotta pull that bathtub...drain plug...metaphorically speaking.
one last thing since you mentioned less sun. this vitamin d lamp has worked wonders for me...throughout the year. amazing how much i crave the sun....on cloudy days..and this bad boy....just lights me UP! https://www.sperti.com/product/sperti-vitamin-d-light-box
so much love brother. i'm here...like our whole tribe....surrounding you with love and gratitude! thanks for all you do for all of us! -jake
brother this is super intense and while i havent had it this bad a couple of my partners have and i am SO going to try your methods because imo you are THe Best and amazing natural healer i “know.” theee are a lot of people on steemit with talent but you take the cake.
your sis,
eagle spirit
awwwwww...sis...you touch my heart. i echo all those beautiful words back to you...and i'm here...for you and the whole tribe. please hit me up anytime!!!!! family!!! all of us walking each other.......home. i love you ALL - bro Jake
You have been given so much good advice already here, all very on point. It is necessary sometimes for us to experience depression, it is not easy, but I think that when you give so much of your time over to helping others, through your research (which has taken you to dark places) and your writings, you need to be reminded to really take time for you. Yes it is fall and yes it is time to shed away the things that we have carried with us that we no longer need. It is impossible to shine bright all the time, and it is really important to nurture that light when it starts to dim.
Be gentle with yourself and know that you are loved by your tribe, I am sending you healing and gentleness.
It is not easy to show ourselves when we feel so vulnerable, so thank you for that, that shows great strength. Talking helps too and if ever you need someone to talk to I am here xxxx
I'm really sorry that you feel Like this.that you have to go through this . I hope you find your peace I really do. I know there is a lot of people who care out there.
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