Life does not always prepare us properly for how cruel and brutal it can be @germanbava and I am so sorry to hear about your current circumstances and while I realise that my words to you cannot actually change anything, I do hope that they perhaps offer you a small amount of hope.

Almost fifteen years ago, my husband of eight years, walked out on myself and our two month old baby. There is nothing that can prepare a person for a moment like that... and yes, it took me a very long time to move forward, but I do want to say to you that you can and will get through this... from your personal perspective. I just do hope that at some point you manage to make contact with your son.

I would encourage you to keep talking about it - even if it is just on here. Release is a very important part of the process when it comes to emotional trauma like this - not that I am any kind of expert... I am just someone who has also experienced something similar and it broke me.

One of the things I found really helped me was distraction. Getting myself in new hobbies and things. In the beginning it does feel a bit like you are "faking it all" - but eventually you will start to notice that you do actually begin to have moments when you are smiling a little again.

I really do extend all the love and strength I can for you and I hope you continue to share here!

Take care xxx