I used to compensate for my anxiety and my illness... and it hurt me more than it helped
ANXIETY. At a certain level and for a temporary period of time, it's a "normal human emotion," but for me, I had a general level of anxiety 24/7. I was actually agoraphobic (someone who fears leaving their home) for nearly 3 years, 6 months of which I only left my home for food... and to go out and get drunk.
During this period of my life, when I wasn't out drinking, I would watch a million episodes of Gossip Girl, cry a lot, feel sorry for myself, and at the time, I genuinely didn't know how to help myself.
It was because of that feeling of helplessness that I developed a relationship with alcohol. Being drunk was the only time I could numb out my symptoms, and it was the only time I felt I could feign happiness. And I actually do look "happy" in all the photos from my party years.
I also "needed" alcohol because it was an excuse for the symptoms I was feeling. Which was the underlying reason for my anxiety.
If anyone has experienced serious dis-ease or chronic illness, or even a minor injury, you might understand why anxiety often accompanies our health struggles. One minute, all is well in your world, and the next, your existence in this physical body is being threatened. It can be quite terrifying.
Any time that I would drink, I would experience neurological "symptoms" because alcohol is a toxin (DUH). And this turned out to be "perfect," as the symptoms of my illness were neurological as well. It was like drinking gave me an excuse to be feeling the way I was.
Looking back, I know alcohol did more harm than good. Obviously, it wreaks havoc on the body in more ways that one, but it also sheltered me from getting present to my illness.
The minute I got present to my illness, I understood that it didn't mean anything about me.
And that, my friends, is the moment that changed everything... But that's a post for another time.
xo,
Samantha Lynn
Love this. Thank you for sharing, for your honesty and vulnerability. It's beautiful! You're beautiful! We need more of this. Thank you for contributing to the light :)
I noticed that your profile pic isn't showing up on this page, for me. Are you seeing it? If not, if you use this URL for it, it might work better...
https://s23.postimg.org/6sg3l4kbv/Screen_Shot_2017-05-08_at_11.35.45_PM.pngVery nice comment which I agree with; up voted it! :-)
Your profile pic isn't showing up for me either :(
Thank you for letting me know! I will try it now.
I see yours now, yayyyy! :D
Thanks dude!!
Honored to contribute alongside you love! Thank you so much for reading! <3
if u want a hint at where u can get content to srart posting, go find ur best school essays and school reports etc, and go post those after updating em! I know i have tons of old stories from when i was like 10 years old, that are stil very funny...and ima post those
Haha thats an awesome idea. Although I didn't save much from school. I will have to use my memory lol
I saved every essay I have ever written since the 7th grade up through 8th 9th 10th 11th 12th and 4 years of college, I have 9 years worth of papers to use!
I have a great idea on how to grow biodiesel from Algea here
https://steemit.com/chainbb-general/@ackza/my-biodiesel-algae-report-from-2007-at-ucsc-i-found-a-way-to-grow-biodiesel-from-algea-and-make-it-profitable
Anxiety is an issue for many of us! I'm glad you got through those years, and things are changed now. I look forward to the next post!
One thing... It doesn't bother me, but some people here have complained when a person uses
introduceyourselftag on more than one post. It's supposed to be for that first post when you talk about who you are. Just a heads up!Thank you for the heads up! I didn't think about that. I thought it was a tag that could encompass the idea of getting to know someone on a deeper level (which is what this post was intended for). I will be mindful of this from now on! Thanks!
Welcome and thanks for posts you have made!
Definitely! Happy to share and grateful that you are here reading them!
Sam, some minds can be highly obsessed with fearful thoughts to the extent of becoming intolerable. Most people who possess such minds take medications, drugs or alcohol in a bid to find some relief from its incessant noise. If you are among the people who are in possession of a mind obsessed with negativity and fear, you might want to look at it as your “ticket” to true freedom or enlightenment, rather than looking at it as curse. A highly noisy mind can be a blessing in disguise, because you cannot become attached to such a mind and hence there’s an opportunity to “transcend” it completely and realize the true liberation that lies beyond the mind. True freedom :)
#onewaytickettoparadise - UV/RS.<3
Love that perspective! I am grateful for my story but no longer attached to it. A very important distinction that is necessary to move THROUGH the discomfort. Appreciate all your encouragement here! Thanks for the RS! :)
Sam, you have been born with such a mind, now there is no point in asking why. In truth, everything is grace including your noisy mind. A mind which is obsessed with fear can become the very mirror that helps you see your true nature and thus wake up from the dream of identification with the false sense of “Me”.
No worries on the encouragement thing. I can feel you have so much to contribute here. Your an extremely soulful woman, so "Steem on!" S.<3
P.S. Ian Brown's funky Gnostic themed 'One Way Ticket To Paradise' is one of my favourite tunes!
Glad to have you here @samanthalynn looking forward to hearing more about you. - Stay hydrated / meditate. It helps. I quit drinking for the most part myself a year or so ago. Only on vacations... You should look into Hydrogen Negative Ions. https://paradelle.wordpress.com/2010/01/09/ions-water-health/ - they are found in nature. Unfortunately due to the things around us today (TV's, Computers, Air Conditioners ) giving off Positive Ions we have many problems with health. There is a reason you feel relaxed and chill on a beach or near a water fall...- negative ions. You should try this supplement : https://www.amazon.com/MegaHydrate-Body-Hydration-Antioxidant-60ct/dp/B00117H27K - was developed by a Dr who used to work at the Pentagon back in the day. He holds several patents for this stuff. Will bring your body back to an alkaline state especially if you used to drink often.
Thanks for the awesome resources. That Mega Hydrate supplement sounds super interesting. Definitely looking into these! Appreciate you!
No worries.
waow
Welcome to the club! Follow me at https://steemit.com/@bitgeek
Thank you for the warm welcome!
Welcome to the Steemit community! Looking forward to reading your posts! #newfollower
Thanks so much! Happy to be sharing here. Following back!
I'll drink to that!
All joking aside- great from the heart post!
Thanks friend! Appreciate you reading!
"The minute I got present to my illness, I understood that it didn't mean anything about me."
Thumbs up - an illness doesn't define you. And anxiety/addiction certainly are diseases. Mindfulness and being present in the moment and to yourself - a rocky climb but worthwhile in the end. Good luck and stay present!
Thank you! Presence literally saved my sanity. It was conceptual for a long time, but I had a very experiential shift as of late that has completely changed the game.