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RE: I want to write... but I'm too disgusted with myself to begin...
Do you have a different perception of it as a woman? I see the rewards, but they're the kinds of rewards that don't activate the same reward center in my brain that I prefer... if that makes any sense. I guess what I'm trying to say is, is that reward that comes from taking care of the kids and doing things with them close to the other things you truly enjoy in life?
I am not a very material person, stepping back from my career nearly sent me to the nut house, but now I work online I am keeping my brain alive and its activating the same reward center. I would still rather work than stay at home, but now I do both, just from home