The Secrets of Self-Love

in #love7 years ago

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You heard me talk about self-love in different ways in the past and in this article I want to continue to look from different angels on this topic.
Love is the cosmic constant, that is the focus on every stage of your spiritual journey. There is only one rule, that applies - doesn’t matter where you are: You always deserve more Love, not less…..

Self-Love - The Basics

First, let me make one point very clear right at the beginning. When I’m talking about Love, I’m not talking about the lovely feeling or the butterflies in your stomach, when you meet your beloved. Of course, there is the feeling of Love and it’s wonderful, but the feeling part is only one tiny part of Love. The thing is, that you don’t have to like in order to love.
In fact, there will be many things appearing in your consciousness, that you won’t like. Don’t try to like them. Don’t look for the feeling of Love either.
To love yourself means, to let yourself think, feel, behave and look exactly the way you are at the moment.
If you are feeling shitty, you are feeling shitty. No need to change that or grab your best psychological or spiritual tools, to make it go away.
No need to throw Reiki lightening bolts on these feelings, to make them disappear.
You see, it’s not very loving, when feelings appear, that you don’t like and you are trying to kill them.
So whatever you are feeling, just put your hands on your heart and repeat the 3 magic words - saying to your heart, that is the heart of the universe:
„I love you!“. Let these magic words soothe your overstimulated nervous system and make them the most common words you speak to yourself in your own mind.

Don’t try to love others!

In our (religious) culture, we are raised with the belief, that we have to love others first and foremost. We believe, that altruism and loving others should be our main goals and prevent us from being egoistical..
Let me tell you this: Altruism is the egos way of trying to commit suicide.
Besides the fact, that it obviously doesn’t work and history shows, that most (religious) wars and crimes are committed in the name of „altruistic love“, it doesn’t work this way.
Instead fill your bucket full with Self-Love, love yourself until you are so full of Love, that you are overflowing with it and naturally everyone around you will profit from it.
It’s much easier this way. You also don’t have to try to be more loving to others and don’t have to do Love. You don’t have to live by some „golden rule“ and remember them to be more altruistic. When you are full of Love, this is your natural state! What a relief!

Meditation is Self-Love in action

I like Zen a lot. Zen is pure, crystal clear and straight.
The main meditation in (Soto) Zen is called Shikantaza - just sitting.
It’s the easiest thing in the world and I have written about meditation in this article before.
„Just sitting“ means to sit with whatever you are at the moment. It means to not change anything inside - not your thinking, not your feeling.
Just be, how and whatever you are. - don’t try to know what you are or to „understand yourself better“. No need to work on yourself, no need to transform or transcend. Just be yourself exactly the way you are!
You see, this is another way of describing self-love.
Just be the way you are. This way, meditation is Self-Love in action!

Who is loving whom?

Somewhere along your journey, you may come across the question, who is loving whom in Self-Love? Lets make it easy for you, by giving you an answer to this question: It’s not your ego, that is loving.
See, your ego is not able to Love - it’s the hurt inner child, the overstimulated nervous system, the victim of abuse.
Your ego is where the Love is aimed at. It’s on the receiving end.
What is giving the Love, is your Soul (your true self, your higher self, whatever you want to call it).
The good thing is, that while the Ego is not able to Love, it’s the most natural thing for your Soul. So everyone is doing, what they can do best here - a win-win situation!
So the next time you watch yourself trying to love yourself, just realize, that you have mixed up the sender and the receiver! It’s that simple!

Enlightenment is.

Oh, enlightenment. Our final goal. Our spiritual ego (this is the part of our ego, that think it can get enlightened) has this cosmic carrot tangling in front of its innocent nose.
Here is some minty fresh insight:
Your ego can’t get enlightened. Your soul already is.
Again, don’t mistake yourself for being the ego. The ego is there to be loved and your only job as the soul, is to be a spirit guide to your ego and love it along its way.
You as a soul are already perfectly enlightened, that’s why you came here to help your ego on its healing journey. So just do your freaking job! 😀

I hope this article has helped you in finding a new approach to Self-Love.
There are some nuggets of wisdom in it, and it may help to reread it once in a while.

Much ❤️ and until the next time,
Atmos

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I really enjoyed the way you put this together and worded it. I like the way you've described what our egos are and how they cannot become enlightened, and I love the way you've described being our body's spirit guide. It's my favorite of Matt Kahn's teachings. And accepting ourselves fully is so healing. It makes us whole. I didn't know about that Zen meditation. It's great. I have to do that in my Network Chiropractic care, and the way you've described that meditation is helpful to me in sitting with it.

Thank you so much for your kind words! 🙏

It's so good to see you write this. I've come to the conclusion that the only thing that determines how good or bad one's life will be is how much one love him/herself. I actually end each of my meditation sessions with rounds of "i love you" mantras!

I appreciate the thought on who is loving and who is receiving (or rejecting) love within the intrapersonal dynamic. I think all that we can do when identified with our egos is try to stop blocking the love always flowing from Self/source. Try to be willing to breathe into the presence of that love with full awareness and not fill our heads with all the reasons we've been trained to feel we aren't deserving. Stop striving and planning and scheming to get to some better moment and some better version of ourselves in it that will earn us the right to be loved, and just allow ourselves to notice how much we ARE loved.

Thank you so much for these additional reflections! ❤️
Yes, allow ourselves to notice how much we are Love without any reasons or need to proof it. Indeed, we are used to look for valid reasons, that we deserve Love.
Instead, the "I love you" exercise is most needed, when our mind doesn't find any reason at all. This is the exact moment, where we deserve more Love not less!

You always deserve more Love, not less

No YOU deserve more!

that you don’t have to like in order to love.

This is so counter to what we've been taught I feel, but it makes all the difference when shifting to love

To love yourself means, to let yourself think, feel, behave and look exactly the way you are at the moment.

I feel like love is acceptance, or even just giving the right to exist or be there. The way we are in the moment has a right to exist, as does everyone else. We need to acknowledge that, love that, and keep pouring in love which will improve circumstance. SO ya, I basically just agree haha

I love you!“. Let these magic words soothe your overstimulated nervous system and make them the most common words you speak to yourself in your own mind.

Ooh nice, I like this, simple yet powerful

Instead fill your bucket full with Self-Love, love yourself until you are so full of Love, that you are overflowing with it and naturally everyone around you will profit from it.

Favorite part right here, the rest was great too, but I'm quoting too much and just agreeing, you hit most everything here.

My .02:
Start with you, start sending love to you and accepting yourself. Once you have that unbreakable self love that originates within yourself instead of from things outside of self it will radiate from you and other people will start catching that feeling of self love. We automatically stop judging and this lack of judgement frees everyone around us.

Kind of like the person who isn't afraid to sing or dance in the street, or the first person to clap, or the first to go on the ride, it makes it easier for others to join in.

Aww.... thank you so much! ❤️I love to be quoted 😀
Funny story: I once saw a quote on Facebook by some stranger that I really liked. So I clicked ❤️and got in touch with this person, and she replied: "Oh! Sorry, I forgot to mention, that this is a quote from one of your blog posts!"
I totally forgot that I had written that. haha
So much about self-love...

Haha that's hilarious... Dang that sounds great, oh wait I said that, of course it does

I am sooo happy that you left comment on my blog and now I have the chance to read these beautiful words. It's so encouraging for everyone of us.

You as a soul are already perfectly enlightened, that’s why you came here to help your ego on its healing journey.

I really love this!
Sometimes we see our ego work on us then we hate it and wanna get rid of it as soon as we can. However, it doesn't work if you don't start loving yourself from inside, as you said, from the soul. Actually I am looking forward to experience the change within me from more self love very soon:) Thanks Atmos :)

Thank you so much! ❤️

Wise words again xox

If you appreciate Zen ~ I share here a little GIF I recently made by way of thanks for your clarity and insight.

ZEN-GIF.gif

Thank you! 🙏

Hell ya man, love that you talked about self love an how important it is, more people need to aware themselves of that before looking outwards!

Thanks, Brian! Glad that you stopped by and read my article!
Much Love! You rock! ❤️

Lovely post. Points you mentioned straighten out any confusion one may have in their spiritual journey. Pondering over these points makes you see the illusion of "enlightenment in the future." Love conquers all. Cheers! :)

Thank you! Much Love ❤️

“If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.”

Fred Rogers

These are very gentle words. Thanks for sharing! 🙏

Like-minded, I particularly like and agree with "Altruism is the egos way of trying to commit suicide." This concept cannot be over emphasized...

Thank you! 🙏

Self-Love. Wow. What a great thing it is? I always prefer to be alone and spend a hell lot of time with myself. That is the only thing that brings me peace of mind. If I'm a bit sad, I take a walk and if I'm very happy I treat myself with something that I like the most. Purely self Independent. Nice article. :)

Yes - self-care is really something most people have to practice. It's not something you'll learn in school and our parents often are not great examples about it.
I love the way you do it! Blessings! 🙏