_{You're not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking ~ anonymous}

Task 2: Funny Telegram

گدھا اور گھوڑا کوے کے رنگ پر جھگڑ رہے تھے۔ وہ شیر کے پاس گئے۔ شیر نے دونوں کی بات سنی۔ گھوڑا صحیح تھا۔ پھر بھی سزا ملی۔ کیوں؟ کیونکہ وہ احمق کے ساتھ بحث کر رہا تھا۔

Donkey and Horse argued over the crow's color. They approached the Lion. He listened to both sides. The Horse was right. Still punished. Why? For debating with a jackass.

---

---

Reflection Task 2:

Attention: The reflection process has now been edited based on joslud's reflections on my post. Originally, I wrote this telegraphic story:

Donkey and Horse argued. Donkey said crow white, Horse insisted crow black. Argument turned to fight. Both went to king lion. Lion heard both sides. Decided Horse gets ten shoe strikes and jailed. Horse confused, cried, "Unfair! I'm right, why punished?" Lion replied, "Not punished for being wrong, punished for arguing with an ass".

It fit within the word count, but the editor pointed out something crucial: the value of money per word. So, I condensed it into a miniature version that still captures the essence and humor - or at least, I think it does. I used simple, almost childlike language like "donkey said crow white" and "horse insisted crow black" to keep the story in telegraphic form in the previous story. The words 'black' and 'white' weren't used as adjectives, because the 'color' of the crow was the main point of the conflict. However, to make the version even more concise, I omitted these words in the final edit.

Joslud gave me an example in which he didn't use a, an indefinite article, with donkey and horse. He stated: Donkey fought with horse. It made me think...

But I stuck with a donkey and a horse initially.

"A donkey and a horse argued over the crow's color."

Because

Without "a", it would be:

"Donkey and horse argued over the crow's color."

To make it grammatically correct without "a", I would need to pluralize the nouns:

"Donkeys and horses argued over the crow's color."

(Which I didn't like and it doesn't go well with the way of my story narration)

Or I could use their names as specific entities:

"Donkey and Horse argued over the crow's color."

Here, capitalizing the names treats them as specific characters, which works for storytelling.

I have done the same with lion. I capitalized it to establish that he is the Lion, the king of the jungle.

However I didn't capitalize jackass because it's a generic term in the story which represents all the fools.

In short, I reduced the word count by applying this technique, and my text is still grammatically correct. However, I would emphasize that these same rules don't apply to Urdu. Since English is my medium of conversation and communication, I was able to achieve this. A direct translation would fail to produce the same result.

I edited and re-edited my text a million times until I (thought that I) got it right!

I had a lot of fun creating these versions of a story that we used to hear from our elders, which was meant to be a lesson. Converting it into a funny telegraphic version was a very creative activity.

Humor is the most difficult genre, I think, both in literature and theatre. Sometimes it’s the story, sometimes the play on words, and sometimes the delivery of dialogue that makes it work in tandem. But since this was a telegraphic version without any delivery of the words, it was even more difficult. I chose jackass instead of donkey in the last line because I believe it’s the specific words in the punchline that leave a lasting impression.

Reflecting on the process of creating the telegraphic funny version, I had a lot to learn. Converting a simple story into such a condensed and creative form felt like a challenge, but in a good way. I went back and forth to find ways to keep this story concise and humorous.

---

Task 3: Turn a poem into a direct and concise narrative

اندر کی آگ

تمہاری سانس اور خوشبو کا احساس مجھے مسحور کر دیتا تھا۔ میں پسینے میں ڈوبا، خواب اور حقیقت کے درمیان کھو جاتا ہوں۔ اب مجھے احساس ہوتا ہے کہ وہ آگ ختم ہو چکی ہے۔ بستر خالی اور تنہا محسوس ہوتا ہے، باوجود اس کے کہ حرارت باقی ہے۔ اگرچہ تم نے ہمارے تعلق سے خوشی پائی، اب میں اپنی آنکھوں میں وہ آگ لیے روزانہ تمہاری نشانیاں تلاش کرتا ہوں ۔

Fire Within

The feeling of your breath and scent intoxicated me. I sweated, lost between dream and reality. I realize the flame is gone. The bed feels empty and lonely, despite the lingering heat. Although you once enjoyed what we shared, now I carry the fire in my gaze, searching for traces of you every day.

---

---

Reflection:

To be honest, this was the hardest task. The process was both challenging and thrilling, as it required a careful balance between staying true to the poem’s emotional core and giving it a new structure. I had to decide which elements to let go of and which to expand upon, turning abstract imagery into tangible, vivid moments.

I kept the story concise, directly aligned with the essence of the poem, and ensured the prose and vocabulary were in accordance with the English version. Here lies the ambiguity between the translated versions. I initially translated from my Urdu version, which led to discrepancies in the English version due to changes in vocabulary. Now, I have re-edited the English version, preserving the translation while keeping the original words from the poem.

Ultimately, it feels like breathing new life into the original piece, allowing it to evolve and take on a new form while still resonating with its initial spirit. I think I did justice to it, but it’s all about subjectivity. What I consider important might not hold the same weight for the reader or the evaluator.

And that unexpected ending... it gave me goosebumps. Yes, a writer can indeed get goosebumps from their own writing.

---

@joslud
@solperez

---

_{This is the edited version of the telegram and the story from the poem, following the editorial remarks by joslud}

---

---

_{Links to comments made to peers}

1 2 3 4