RE: "Smile" (poem/article) >>> Almost-Announcing "Marg's Homework Poetry Contest"
Mission accepted!
So I will give you the same disclaimer I gave Marg an say I am no student of poetry. My thoughts, impressions, and critiques are about as useful as a NASCAR fan looking at a Picasso painting.
Just looking at your poem alone, here is how I interpret it:
There are two sides to humanity - the heart and the mind. The eyes reflect what's in the mind, and the mouth reflects what's in the heart. The eyes build up a life of pain, hurt, and lessons and carry them for the world to see no matter what. The heart carries the same pain, but it can be masked or healed by expressing it differently. Unlike the eyes, you can choose to smile or not to smile, and so the heart is something you can choose to open or close to someone.
The poem is a two-parter: observation of reality and recommendation for future action. Once you've established that people tend to block themselves off after getting repeatedly hurt, you go on to suggest how they can go about doing this. The smile is the key, since it opens a pathway to the heart in spite of the mind (and the eyes) leaving things closed off. There is a caution that this may be forced at first, but eventually there will be genuine laughter and connection: the foundations of true friendship.
Comparing the two poems, I think yours relies more heavily on symbolism than Marg's does. Yours is also directed outwardly, as observation and recommendation to humanity, while Marg's is directed inward, as the recounting of a personal tale of growth. I agree with @corpsvalue below in the sense that Marg's is a reflection of her own internal happiness and contentment. However, I don't see yours as the opposite (i.e., as the reflection of a resentful person). Instead I see yours as more of a neutral observation that acknowledges the flaws of humanity (dishonest smiles, the potential to be hurt or stabbed in the back). I find your poem to actually contain more hope for humanity as a whole. In her poem, it is very personal. Only an inner struggle gets resolved. In yours, you provide a path for each reader to make external connections, which has much broader implications. Hers used the smile to find joy, yours used the smile to form connections. Internal vs. external.
My takeaways, side by side:
| - | My Takeaway |
|---|---|
| Quill | Yes, people are generally terrible and yes you will be hurt, but if you ever want to have true friendship then you need to be the first one to open yourself up and share a smile, even if you have to force it. The rest will fall into place later. |
| Marg | Yes, people are generally terrible and yes you will be hurt, but if you ever want to have real joy in your life you need to look inward and learn to accept who you are. Once you do that, you can reflect it outward. The rest will fall into place later. |
I enjoyed both poems. I would say that Marg's resonated with me a bit more and made me "feel better", but that yours tried to provide a more nuanced look at how the world works and how to adapt to it.
And as always, here is my blanket disclaimer that this is all simply my opinion and I generally never have any idea what I am talking about :)
@dollarsandsense,
Ridiculous. This is one of the most insightful commentaries I have received in 20 years of writing poetry. I reread it 3-4 times. YOU ... NEED TO BE a Curator!!! THIS ... is what Steemit could be.
Well said. Thanks for this excellent commentary..
Quill