Self forgiveness blog 10: letting go of the addiction to chasing romantic/sexual fantasies

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the symbolism of potential sex with women as a purely mental experience

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to enslave a women that I find some point of ‘attraction’/‘beauty’ in by using her to create the experience of a romantic/sexual fantasy with

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to have some form of sex where I get the experience of feeling like I am getting away with something or getting something that is so hard to get

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that sex is so hard to get

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to have sex in a form where it is more a kind of a ritual than it is about actual physical sex, wherein I create an experience of some form of dominance/having power over another

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create a mental high experience for myself by having sex in a way that is so over the top and racy that I have an experience of disbelief that it is actually happening and that the person is actually doing what I want, based on the belief that sex is so hard to get

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to create an experience of dominance and having power over another to try and escape a sense of inferiority and powerlessness within myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and feel like it is impossible to change and stop sometimes because my compulsion can be so pervasive and I have spent so much time ding the same thing and it has become so automatic to keep doing it

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that what I am giving up is nothing and that if I apply myself, it may in fact be easier than I may think

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that what I am giving up is in fact nothing, that it is very much possible to give it up and live free of this burden as it is in fact nothing and that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to drive this point home within myself that it is in fact nothing

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the symbolism/fantasies that still exist within me that I am compelled to chase after are actually fleeting memories and ideas only, and that in real life I do not actually enjoy the physical act of participating in such memories, as evidenced in the way that seeing actual porn grosses me out and when I see it I actually feel sorry/pity for the men and women that are stuck in it

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear blocking out every opportunity that I may have to go back into the compulsion of seeking out women for a romantic/sexual experience and to use the justification/belief/excuse that I am being mean/harsh when in fact the reality is the opposite that I am being mean and harsh to myself and others by leaving the door open for such behaviour/relationships

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to ‘nip in the bud’ every potential opportunity that I have to create some kind of obsessive, compulsive, romantic/sexual experience women a woman I am ‘attracted’ to, within the realization that I am in fact giving up nothing

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to overlook the point of how great it feels to give up this illusion of romance/sex with women as a mental experience, and that I quite enjoy the experience of living without this burden, and I really enjoying reconnecting with myself and experiencing a newfound innocence within giving up such behaviours/addictions

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to forget how great it is to live without the burden of being obsessed with finding women to create an experience of romance/love/lust/sex as I am able to express myself freely, openly, without restraint and without desire

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed to forget how great it is to live without desire and what it is like to experience myself without any desires or anything to ‘get or gain’

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to forget how great it is to live in a way where I am already everything I need and I am enough for myself

I commit myself to be strict with myself in giving up this habit/pattern/compulsion to look to find/connect with ‘attractive women’ to create some kind of an experience of romance and sexual fantasy by nipping this point in the bud and giving myself no outlets to act out this addiction as a point of physical action as the real changing of this habit/pattern exist in taking real decisive actions her win the physical

I commit myself to support myself within/as breath and directing/re-directing myself as breath in moments when necessary to be able to create myself anew as I stop this addiction

I commit myself to live the physical prove of the seeing/understanding that I am in fact giving up nothing by giving the physical living out of this pattern unconditionally and instead participating in new actions/activities as a point of self creation, self expansion and self exploration

When and as I see myself going into the pattern of seeking out/looking for/trying to create an experience of finding/connecting with ‘attractive women’ to create an experience of romance/sexual fantasy - I stop, I breathe, and I redirect myself to participate in another activity, as I see, realize and understand that the key to stopping this point is to unconditionally drop it and rather participate in new activities as a point of self creation and self expansion, and that utilizing breath is the key to be able to slow myself down, clear myself and rice myself anew

I commit myself to practice having sex deliberately as a purely physical experience and deleting any and all thoughts.images/pictures that come up

I commit myself to unconditionally delete/drop/let go of any and all thoughts/pictures/memories of sexual fantasies that come up as the key to stopping this addiction within me is to unconditionally stop and delete all pictures/fantasies that come up within me, clear myself and remain here as breathe

I commit myself to empower myself through physical living practical application as self expansion, self exploration and self creation

I commit myself to block out any potential opportunity to participate in the habit/addiction/pattern of creating a romantic/sexual fantasy experience for myself as the living realization understanding that I must unconditionally drop the point in order to change and self realize the fact that I am giving up nothing/an illusion and giving myself back to myself