You know how you read a post and it's so momentous and you're so excited about it that you want to write a reply that properly reflects as such, but that kind of reply takes more time and you're busy and so days go by and you've not responded to the most important post you read all week? That's what happened here for me. I am way late to the party, but damn I just love this post! Yes, yes, yes! I agree with most everything you say here, Luke, and I am so freaking proud of you and especially the lovely Corine Stokes! She looks amazing (look at that all better, pretty little tummy!!) and she looks happy.
As you say here sex is a key motivator of many things that we do in life, and yet we blush and shrug our shoulders like "well, I don't know" when someone asks us about our sex life.
I understand your assertion that a partial reason for the lack of a satisfying sex life is the guy's lagging commitment to mastering certain skills. In some cases that's true, and I appreciate your effort there to claim responsibility on any part you can as a male. But to me the key element in a satisfying sex life is connection, intimacy, vulnerability, and complete transparency. Because no matter how much a guy works on mastering his technique, if his partner is closed off, not being honest, blocking his efforts at intimacy then all of his skill mastering efforts will fall short of bringing them closer.
Sex is HUGELY important part of my relationship with Sean. Yes, I openly and happily admit that. While we preach safe sex to our kids, and not abstinence, we don't, however, openly talk about our own sex life with them. I've been afraid it would make them uncomfortable (ewww...my parents having sex is a gross kind of thing), but now I see withholding that important part of our life is only propagating keeping sex talk weird.
So while I'm not going to just start spilling all the juicy details with my kids, I will begin to notice when I'm tempted to hide or withhold from them on this subject. thank you for helping me see that so I can be mindful how I proceed on that topic as a parent.
Anyways, I'm rambly today but damn great post and I'm grateful for your openness, your willingness to lead here on this subject in general, and for bringing awareness to how open we are about our own sex lives so hopefully we can all re-evaluate our default ways and go forward with clearer intentions.
Thank you for such a wonderful reply. :)
I have a friend who is a professional sexologist, and I remember how awkward it was at first within our community when he talked openly about sex. Gradually I started to realize he was being normal, and my thinking was weird. At the same time, I remember the discussions about raising their children, and I had to wonder if the open talk about sex ("Mom and Dad have a sex date tonight, so you are going to stay with your cousins" type stuff) led to other problems and interests which made this more difficult... I don't really know, and it's further complicated by their religious worldview which adds more aspects to the discussion (definitely an abstinence stance there).
It's a complicated thing as a parent to figure out. I don't have answers, but I'm learning all I can from those who have done it well.
Thanks again for such an encouraging, heartfelt response. :)
First thing each day when I wake I read from a wisdom book. Currently it's Osho, The Tantra Experience. Oddly but often the section that I read has something to do with what happened in my life the day before...here is the passage I read this morning:
And then: