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I saw great potential in STEEM almost immediately when I joined in mid 2016, and even though I had tremendous luck and was heavily rewarded early in my "Steem-career", I knew that things would change with time. I've mentioned some of these things over the years and I've talked about how grateful I am and I've also talked about the hard work it involves to be a great author, or a well-rewarded Steemian. Legacy. Reputation.

I would obviously rather be rewarded 5 Steem per post if the price were $5 per Steem than 50 Steem at a price of $0,12. I personally don't think that quantity is necessarily a good thing, even though you might think otherwise as quantity is power on Steem. The more Steem you have (Steem Power), the more power you have. You get more control over post payouts and you earn more curation rewards the more Steem Power you have...

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It's frightening to think of how things would be if Steem were to jump to a value of $5 per Steem when we look at all the heavily rewarded people we have. 50 Steem here and 100 Steem there, per post. Many of these users deserve great rewards because they are working hard and they put in tons of effort, but it gives me some chills to the bones when I think about how it would be if we reached an all time high... Some people would be crazy rich.

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Despite the amazing success I had in the beginning, with payouts in the range of $200 all the way up to almost $1000 for a single post, I've literally been struggling on Steem since my first day here.

When no one believed in me, when my posts were overlooked, I was ashamed of myself. I often felt like it was a waste of time and I compared myself to others. I compared my content with others and it lead to more anxiety and even more struggles. I knew that Steem had great potential. I knew that Steem could be life changing both for myself and everyone else, so I didn't want to give up...

• But the more I tried, the harder it became.

I have been on Steem since July 2016, and it is still difficult. I still struggle with each post I write, and with all the posts I write that I never publish...

I don't compare myself with others nowadays, but I compare what I do today with things I did in the past, and the results I had. And I'm not talking about the rewards alone... I'm talking about the impact in general. The impact Steem has on me personally, and the impact the things I do on and for Steem has on others. I seem to measure these things all day long, and no matter how much I try to avoid it, it seems to be impossible.

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I am my own worst enemy and I blame only myself for that. I blame myself because I know that many of the things I do or have done in the past has been something that has been truly rewarding for others, meanwhile I ignored myself. I didn't only pave the way for others, I also carried them for as long as I could. But that is me in a nutshell. That is who I am.

I give until I have nothing more to give, and if that means giving away everything I have, I do it. That's probably why I will never be a millionaire. But I am okay with that.

My goal has never been to become a millionaire. My goal in life has always been to help others, which is why I ultimately changed course in life and went from a full time freelancer to a student. I have recently finished school and I am about to start working in my new profession. Tomorrow will be my first day at the nearest psychiatry department.

I am excited because I have, probably for the first time of my life, come to understand that I might actually be one of the best suited persons to do something like this. I can and will use my own life experience along with what I learned during my education to help others.

I will have an impact in peoples lives, and I will do whatever I can to help them to live their lives to the fullest. Regardless of their illness, regardless of their skin tone, age or gender. I will be the best I can be, and I will do whatever I can to help them.

So, this basically means that knowledge is power. I had my life experience previously, and I could probably have done a great job using that alone, but the education gave me more knowledge. It gave me a better understanding and I have learned many new things. Things I wouldn't have known... And things I need to know.

There are tons of things I don't know about Steem. I don't know exactly how blocks are being produced or how a blockchain works. I don't know the coding and I'm not even really active on Discord anymore. I don't lick balls and I don't try to make anyone cum. I don't beg for upvotes or donations. Even during the last few months of my education when I had 0 income and a shit ton of bills to pay, I refused to beg any of you for help.

I have always been the guy who helps others. Not the other way around. I pave the way for others, and I am able to do that because of my hard work and my mistakes. I have never asked for anything in return, even though I admit that I have wished for many things when I've been alone in a silent room.

I can't really say that I believe in god. I believe in "something", but I lean more towards believing in karma. What goes around comes around.

As of today, in January 2020, I am finally able to do certain things a little bit different. I can honestly say that STEEM have caused me a fair share of headaches over the years. I have witnessed many amazing and wonderful things happen, but I have also been here during all the lows and bullshit. I don't like where we are today, and even though I am not as convinced as I once were about the direction we're heading at, I am still a believer. I believe in STEEM and I can still see tremendous potential. It's nothing like what I first thought it would be, and that has probably been my biggest problem. I was convinced it would become one thing, but it went on to become something different...

• But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing.

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Like so many others out there, I once saw STEEM as Steemit. I saw STEEM as a place for people to blog. I saw STEEM as a place for the typical "Bob" and "Mary" to share family photos and be rewarded for it. I basically saw STEEM as something like a Facebook-clone that gave people an opportunity to earn money... And I still, to this day, see STEEM with somewhat similar eyes.

I have never really cared much about being decentralized or not. I have never thought it would matter much to "Bob" or "Mary" either. I have never used that as some sort of "sales pitch" when I've tried to bring people in. Censorship? - Nope, I haven't cared much about that either, because I am just a simple, random guy who used to post shit on Facebook.

In all honesty, despite what some people might say, I still believe there is censorship on STEEM. I know, we can still see the content and whatever, but nope. To me, it is a form of censorship no matter what.

And that's the thing. It doesn't really matter if that is in fact true or not. What matters is how people see's and understand things. And even if they actually understand it, they might still refuse to see it like that.

That is, according to me, one of the problems we have on STEEM. It doesn't really matter how much we try to educate people, because how they see things, how they experience things are what matters to them.

However, that brings me to the awesome dApps we have. With YouTube acting retarded, content creators will look for other places to share content. - Hello 3speak!

That being said though, it will take a long period of time before people will truly see how amazing potential there is lying outside of their narrow mindsets. People need to think outside the box, and they need to come across STEEM in one way or another before they join. - We need to advertise even more.

That is up to you and me. Many of you are already doing it regularly. You share your STEEM content on twitter and other social medias which is awesome. That gives STEEM much needed exposure. That is how I believe we will thrive and survive.

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As of today, I will try to be more active. I will work more "behind the scenes" than what I've done during the last few months and I will promote STEEM where I see fit. I will also start to power up STEEM and build my account so I can continue to give, care and help others around me. For that is who I am.

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