A World Long Sundered -- Chapter 2

in #writing7 years ago (edited)

A Few Thoughts...

It has taken me a little while to get this chapter ready for posting.  I appreciate everyone's patience.  This chapter is still a very rough draft, but polished enough to post, I hope.  My chapters do tend to be longish, so it is likely that some of it will need to be removed or broken up.  If anyone has any thoughts on the matter, feel free to leave your opinion below.  And please, for the love of all that is good, do not worry about upsetting me.  I really appreciate good feedback.  If you feel like my writing would be better spent feeding the flames, then by all means, say so, but please tell me why you feel so strongly :D.  

I am currently working with the Minnow Support Project in order to better my writing.  @rhondak has been especially helpful.  If anyone is interested in joining the MSP community you can check out more information here.  We have a great community on Discord as well and often share ideas, post contests, offer peer editing, save the world etc.   And it's quality editing, not the, "I think you need a comma here or something," carp.  I tell people that @rhondak writes so much red over my writing that it looked like someone slaughtered a chicken.  Seriously, check it out.  I can be found in the fiction workshop channel quite a bit.  

Thanks again everyone.  Thanks for your support!



A World Long Sundered

Chapter 2.

He was falling. The strange thing was, that’s not what confused him. The issue was that he had fallen at all. The face looking down at him registered a similar shock. A face that was getting very small very quickly. It would be this image of his sister that he would always remember. A youthful rounded face with blue eyes surrounded by raven hair which flew forward towards him as if it, too, wished to reach him.

“Auryn!” she screamed as her hand shot out futilely through the branches. Kyndra had always been quick, but neither of them had expected this. He remembered thinking he wasn’t supposed to fall, it wasn’t possible. He hadn’t been scared, only confused. They had both been climbing for years; neither of them had hardly ever so much as skinned a knee.

Their mother had shown them this place years before. She had brought them because it was a haven, one of the last bastions of the old world. The children were too young to really understand how the place worked, but that hadn’t kept them from spending their free time and more within the maze-like arms of the R’leigh Bo. A haven it was, a place of safety, and yet still he fell…

Green.

The emerald leaves absorbed the sun’s radiance, added their own subtle verdant magic to it, and then released it again. Auryn had to squint from the intensity. He had often had the same trouble when looking at the sky too long. Even so, he kept his eyes slivered in order to not miss the dance that the sudden breeze promised. The leaves, taking the wind’s offer, lightly played upon an azure background, laughing all the while. The last vestiges of sleep were slowly leaving Auryn’s body. The voice of the stream, which had been the final temptation that lured him to slumber was now the one coaxing him awake. It was a good sound, one that brought with it the hopes of adventure.

Propping himself up slightly on his elbows, Auryn blinked as he was forced to brush away bits of grass falling from his lengthening brown hair and continued to divert it away from dark eyes. He would have to trouble his mother to clip it soon. He nearly fell back to the grass again in satisfaction. These afternoon naps were getting harder and harder to come by. With the all too recent years, Auryn’s responsibilities had increased greatly, and with them, less time to spend in childhood settings. Of course, Auryn had never really had too much free time to begin with. There were always enough tasks to keep him busy. His mother and the farm made sure of that. Yet, when time did allow, Auryn could usually be found here among the “boughs of Bo” as the children had lovingly termed them.

The branches had quite literally been the children’s second home. There had been times when they actually slept overnight in the little alcoves formed by branches that grew close together and snaked out in all directions. This was made possible by the tremendous girth of the tree that he had come to call simply Bo. He doubted that even 30 children with hands clasped together could encircle it’s base, at least the main one anyway. For the Bo had many trunks scattered through the forest clearing. Despite this, mother had said, it was a single tree. At first glance, the tree looked like a miniature forest, but the branches interconnected among the many bases as one organism. The root system connected between the bases. They had always reminded Auryn of giant sea serpents, with half their bodies stuck underwater.

A good hundred paces surrounding the R’leigh Bo, no other tree grew near. In fact, the tree seemed to keep other things at bay as well. Neither Auryn nor Kyndra could ever remember seeing any type of predator larger than a valley red-fox within its boundaries. This made it quite possible to see a variety of birds, squirrels, boar and other mammals that made the Bo their home. A sense of peace extended from its branches. Even the stream that winded its way through the multi-trunks below was abundant with varieties of fish Auryn had seen nowhere else. Indeed, the R’leigh Bo was a magical place for two children to spend their days climbing and racing among barrel-thick branches that swept, in some places, a mere hands-width above the ground to nearly fifty paces high in others.

If not for the Bo, this area would have been a glade. The oaks and aspens that encircled the glade added a sense of seclusion and safety to the area. The Bo had long ago ceased being merely a tree. Its identity limited only by the imagination of the two children that alighted their feet upon its branches. A shoulder to cry on when the burdens of childhood had seemed too great. At other times, the tree had been a simple fishing buddy, offering the perfect perch for tiny feet. Many places upon the branches were worn smooth by the playful passing of the children. The old Bo did not seem to mind though, for its leaves never stopped shimmering among their near constant laughter. The tree could have been their nurse, for the two had spent just as much time here as with friends or family. It seemed natural when Kyndra began referring to it as “Nanna”. Auryn said that was silly and still preferred to refer to the great tree as simply “Bo”. Both titles took hold and became part of their relationship with the tree.

Mother had never really explained the tree’s purpose, if it had had one in the old world. He wasn’t sure if she knew actually, and Auryn didn’t know if she would tell him even if she did. Their mother wasn’t often forthcoming with the stories of the past. Auryn didn’t need an explanation anyway. He understood the tree well enough. The tree, simply put, kept you safe. Of course, there was more to it than that, there were many aspects of the tree that figured into his boiled-down explanation. However, for a child that had yet to see his twelfth season, the simple explanations still sufficed.

The Bo had many uses besides being a childhood playmate. Their mother had taught them that smaller branches could also be clipped and placed in the ground which had a similar, although temporary, effect of keeping lesser dangers at bay. Sometimes if a traveler brought news of illness in the nearby villages or the warning of an oncoming storm, Auryn’s mother would send him off to the Bo to return with a small cutting of the great tree. They would then hang it above the doorways to their home. Mother said it was to ward off the oncoming danger. Auryn never questioned the effectiveness of such action; neither severe sickness or harsh storm rarely made it to the Riggs’ farm. 

On more than one occasion, Auryn had placed its leaves on cuts and bruises which seemed to speed up healing, and reduce swelling. Mother knew of several potent recipes that used the little purple blossoms which were found in different sections of Bo throughout the year. They gave off a faint and pleasant lavender scent which radiated a good distance away when the wind was right. 

Even the leaves, large as life, but not nearly as bitter, were edible and rather refreshing. However, their mother had instructed them to refrain from picking the leaves unless absolutely needed. When questioned why, she simply answered with a question, “Well, have you two ever seen even one of the R’leigh Bo’s leaves fall on its own?” It was true, though the purple blossoms fell and swirled around the great Bo often and blanketed the undergrowth, Auryn and his sister had never seen the tree shed its leaves. Mother would continue, 

“We take much from the great tree, we rely on it, let us leave the leaves if at all possible.”

In fact, much of his family’s livelihood depended on the tree, directly and indirectly. The streams that passed through Bo’s roots flowed south through the box canyon, exited the forest and would later join together to form what Auryn’s mother called the R’leigh Ro river. From there it continued to flow east and eventually south.

Auryn’s grandfather had built their family farm roughly a league south of where the streams exited the forest and flowed through the valley. Over time, he had discovered that the water possessed a quality which helped the crops weather the colder seasons easier. The effect seemed to dilute and disappear as the stream was joined by others as they rushed to the R’leigh Ro. However, during a particularly cold winter, his grandfather had noticed that as he followed the streams north into the forest he occasionally found several of the hardier summer flowers still in bloom. Fascinated, he followed the stream deeper into the forest. This was how his grandfather had eventually come upon the R’leigh Bo nestled in the base of the Myrr mountains. At least, this was how Auryn’s mother told of how their family had come to settle this far west. The very water that ran under the R’leigh Bo enabled Auryn’s family to grow crops that few others could for leagues around.

However, to Auryn and his sister, the greatest aspect of the R’leigh Bo was found in the climbing. When they talked about it together they best described it as what Kyndra called an “aura”. Some sort of physical presence that seemed to pull you closer to the body and branches of the of the tree. The force was rather gentle near the base of the trunk and ground level branches, but as you climbed higher it grew in intensity. It grew strong enough to effectively prevent an adventurous and energetic child from an otherwise deadly tumble.

Auryn and his sister had spent the better portion of their childhood racing along the aerial branches dreaming up imaginings only the young or young at heart can muster. They had been wary of climbing too high when they had first tested the tree’s limits; tried not to rely too heavily on the unexplainable force. However, over the years their guard slowly lowered, and were soon racing along full speed upon highways of white and green. They learned the extent of the aura as well. It was Auryn’s sister who first voiced the idea, 

I think it’s getting used to us too, Auryn.” 

She was quite right. The force or aura definitely seemed to adjust to the children as well. It was almost as if the aura judged just the perfect amount of effort needed to keep them safe. When they had discovered this, it had been Auryn who decided to try his luck at a leap from one branch to another. It took a moment to gather his courage, but as his feet left the first branch, the aura seemed to release at just the right time. He could almost feel the aura’s desire to catch him on the other side. Sure enough, the tree guided Auryn’s momentum appropriately and alighted him on a branch that Auryn could have sworn gravitated ever so slightly towards him. This discovery led to whole new levels of adventure for the both of them. The only explanation their mother gave them was that the Old World had possessed many wonders. Indeed, if one had had the fortune to look upon the two of them leaping among the limbs of that purple blossomed marvel, one would have trouble discerning whether the children were playing with the R’leigh Bo or if it was playing with them. Perhaps it was both.

Under normal circumstances, any mother would be out of her mind with worry knowing her children were alone in the forest some tens of feet above the forest floor. However, their mother had often said they were more likely safer amidst the arms of the R’leigh Bo than they were on their own farm. The children never questioned this. She had of course accompanied them on the first few expeditions, but for a reason never shared with the children, she had been comfortable leaving them in care of the tree. Auryn and Kyndra, had never thought twice of the issue, glad to spend time within Bo’s endless branches.

Auryn pushed himself up further, began to stand and stifled a yawn as he was surprised from behind.

“Auryn! Finally, your awake! I’ve just finished collecting the gaylees mother likes to put on the table this time of year.” Kyndra motioned to the tiny, sky blue petaled flowers in her hands. “You can help me carry them back!” The flowers were flourished towards Auryn as he smiled at his younger sister.

“Wow! I’m surprised you found so many of them, Kyn. It’s harder to find them in midsummer.” he relinquished.

His sister smile broadened knowingly,

“They’re only hard to find when you sleep all the afternoon!” she replied

Auryn laughed as he snatched the flowers from his sister’s hands.

“Oh, I don’t know, I seem to have found quite a batch right here!”

He dashed off, nimbly and with experienced practice, scaled one of the lower hanging boughs of the Bo.

Imagine Mother’s surprise when she learns how hard I’ve worked picking her flowers while you’ve been sleeping amongst the branches!” he kidded.

Kyndra screwed up her face and took her brother’s offer of chase. Sometimes, little imagination was needed when the two played with Bo, simply running amidst the boughs was entertaining enough. Soon, the two were breathless again. Kyndra stood victorious and brandished her tiny trophies in and arc and gently fell back into the grass. Auryn stood with back against a low hanging branch quickly catching his breath. He contemplated on how he could no longer completely outrun his younger sister.

“It’s a shame there’s been no rain these past days. I could do with a bowl of Mother’s mushroom stew.

“Your still just hoping for another bit of desert tonight,”retorted Kyndra as she examined the bouquet more closely. Auryn noticed the light blue of the flowers seemed a bright contrast to his sister’s dark hair, and yet their color seemed to strike up conversation with his sister’s bright blue eyes. Auryin laughed again as his eyes scanned the nearby ground for signs of his new target. They had been unable to find any mushrooms this summer. Despite being so close to water, the mushrooms so prized by their family tended to grow only after the heavier rains.

“I did see some today, but they’re not the right ones.” Kyndra continued.

Auryn settled down across from his sister, “It’s too dry this summer Kyn, even the stream is lower than it usually is.” He added quickly, “And don’t you go picking mushrooms you don’t know nothing about.”

Kyndra screwed up her face for the second time today and replied, “Don’t you be getting all uppity now! Just because it’s nearly your Age Day don’t give you no right to talk down on me.” She paused, “And besides, I can tell one mushroom from another.”

“Oh, is that so?” Auryn snapped, “And just how did you learn that? You were too young to remember father’s lessons.”

“See! That’s exactly what I’m talking about. You’ve been talking all grown up like this summer. You’re not that much older than me Auryn, and you don’t remember father’s lessons either.”

This time Auryn’s smile faded, I do too remember. The thought was more reassurance than reply. Of late, Auryn was having difficulty remembering his father. He had disappeared close to Auryn’s seventh season. It had become increasingly difficult to remember the sound of his father’s voice. Even his face had become fuzzier over the last year. This year would mark nearly five seasons since his father’s disappearance. Kyndra had a hard time believing him that he was able to remember anything about their father, but did not have a hard time voicing her opinion about it. Auryn admitted that his memories of his father were not entirely clear. He told himself over and over that he had just been too young. It didn’t help. As is so often the case with children, Auryn tended to blame himself for his father’s actions. He put thought of his father aside.

“You still haven’t answered me.”

“What?” she feigned ignorance.

“Did mom teach you which ones were the bad mushrooms?” he didn’t bother to mask his concern.

Nanna taught me.” Kyndra said flatly.

“Don’t start that again!” his smile returned again. It had been a common joke of Kyndra’s that whenever she could not (or chose not to explain a matter), she offered Nanna up as excuse. He stood abruptly ready to give chase again. Kyndra stood more slowly, ignoring her brother’s half threat.

“We’d better get started back, it’s going to rain soon, and if we start now, we should be able to make it home in time.”

Auryn gazed upward.

“Have you gone funny on me? There’s barely a cloud in the sky.”

He paused and watched his sister’s gaze heavenward. With a sigh, he let the matter drop. Her sudden change in attitude brought a return to seriousness within him. Chances were mother could use some help with dinner anyway. She had given the two the morning and afternoon to themselves today. It would most likely be a while before such an occurrence would show itself again. Given Auryn’s upcoming twelfth age day, their mother would be frantic with preparations. He nodded.

Together they began the journey back to home, mother and dinner. Before reaching the end of the glade, Kyndra turned back again, her hand shooting upward in a farewell gesture, “Take care Nanna!”

Auryn’s eyes followed his sister’s actions and also turned back again towards the old Bo. It was as he expected it to be, the leaves shimmered gently with another gentle breeze that had been common throughout the day. Taking this as notion of farewell, Kyndra, satisfied, turned back again and started home.

The Riggs’ home and farm had been in the family for generations. Auryn had been told that it was his grandparents who originally built the small cabin and cultivated the surrounding area. The house itself stood just outside the western forest border. A small wagon trail wound eastward and if followed promised arrival at the outskirts of Haverglenn, one of the outer lying towns of the Three Cities and more civilized areas of the world beyond. Although, the home rested relatively close to the forest’s edge, this had not always been so. Originally, much of the surrounding area and forest had been cleared to make way for Auryn’s ancestor who had worked several crops.

Now, the current occupants focused only one specific crop. In fact, that casual travel might wonder why such a family chose to settle so far from civilization. It had been Auryn’s parents who had discovered the area made possible the growth of a more efficient and profitable crop.

Mother said the demand for their salves had increased ten-fold since Auryn had been born, which had led to often hiring seasonal help to work the land. Several extra buildings had been added on to the farm in Auryn’s lifetime to accommodate the growth of their family business. All this was an afterthought as he passed the rows of the low-growing grey-veined plant that had been the lifeblood of the Riggs family for the most recent generation, he felt the first pinprick of recognition that it indeed was about to rain.

With the sensation came that familiar childish joy of a summer shower. He fought the sensation to run with his sister through the warm summer rains. The feeling quickly turned to thankfulness as he considered how beneficial this would be for the crop. When had these grownup thoughts began to replace such childhood emotions? He drew his attention back to the small field of silver-grey plants. The silvadena would indeed benefit from the shower.

From the casual glance, the plant itself was by no means all that unusual. And if it weren’t for its rather unique healing properties, the plant would most likely be considered a nuisance, for its thorns seemed particularly adept at penetrating the thickest of clothing. Its light-blue and greyish flowers were unremarkable. The plant had a unique history, one that Auryn liked to think he knew rather well. The name itself meant “Traveler’s silver” or “Traveler’s boon” depending on who you asked, for many a traveler had paid for their night’s meal with a handful of the thorns that grew around the thin spear-like leaves.

The secret was actually in the thorns; when boiled and ground to a paste, the concoction accelerated the healing process of minor cuts and bruises and often reduced all but the staunches of fevers. There had been and still were many who tried to cultivate the plant for such properties. Although some met with moderate success, the varieties that were often found within the cities and more populated areas seemed to have reduced efficacy when compared to the wilder strains. The crop that Auryn’s family cultivated was known for its undiluted potency. His family had assured many that they used no special methods of cultivation to reach such success and had even offered to teach all who were interested in the growth process.

It was true that the silvadena that Auryn’s family grew was of higher quality. However, what the Riggs family didn’t share with travelers was that the poultices and lotions they mixed were not solely comprised of the useful plant. Nearby merchants would swear that the Rigg family put a secret ingredient into their best-selling heal-all lovingly coined as “Nana’s Blessing”. Regardless, it was through the bartering of this simple plant that gave their family the ability to live separate from the rest of what could be called civilization. At least that was what his mother told him. He wasn’t quite so convinced.

Auryn often wondered just how different life would be if his family’s legacy had not been so entwined with caring for the silvadena. His mother assured him that their actions aided many people and that he could take great purpose in that. Although Auryn could not argue against the logic of it, he still wondered if there wasn’t more to life than farming.

His eyes darted back to Kyndra as she too followed the trail. Threading a few leaves from the silvadena, she was creating a tiny bouquet out of the gaylees she had discovered earlier. She, however, had never shared his yearning for more than a life in the countryside. Of course she loved their games of adventure as much as he, but she was much more readily able to take her head out of the realms of adventure and take pleasure and contentment with their lives here. Perhaps it was merely his role as the elder sibling that changed his perspective, or perhaps growing older was having its effect. However, something inside told him that his sister was made for this life. He was happy for that.

They were nearing the farm as the wind began pick up in intensity. Where the sky had been clear earlier, great bulbous clouds had billowed over the Myrr mountains turning the day to gray. They both took to jogging the last few hundred feet to beat the rain.

“Hey, Kyn!” he shouted past the bluster.

“Yeah?”, she replied.

“How did you know?”

With a mischievous smile Kyndra replied, “Know what?”

He took the bait again, “How did you know it would rain!”

Talking through the same smile she stated matter-of-factly, “Nanna told me!”

With that she picked up speed and boosted ahead of her brother and overtook the front porch all the while shouting and brandishing her bouquet, “Mama, Mama! Look what we found!”

Auryn laughed. It was a wonder that any flowers remained in her tiny hands at all.

*****

The shower lasted the rest of the day which replaced their normal watering duties with a few items their mother needed catching up on. Auryn and Kendra knew that Mother had fallen behind on this week’s order to Haverglenn trying to prepare for Auryn’s twelfth age-day. So they both helped where they could; it was work they were accustomed to. That night the children closed their eyes in a sleep that only both hard work and harder play can provide. Before sleeping though, Kyndra questioned her brother,

“Are you excited for tomorrow?”

“Mmmh? Oh, I don’t know, I guess so.” Auryn replied sleepily.

“You should be! Mom’s working hard on it you know…”

“I know she is! It’s just, well, it’s not like I don’t appreciate what she’s doing, I just, I don’t know…” he let the thought trail off.

A few moments of silence passed between them. Auryn thought the matter dropped but again his sisters voiced interrupted the night.

“I miss him too, you know.”

Once again, Kyndra’s acuity impressed Auryn, yet he chose to remain silent. Pretending to sleep was easier than facing what his sister had so accurately perceived.

The next morning their mother had stated that with the previous storm it was likely that the R’leigh Bo had dropped an overabundance of blossoms. It would a shame to waste such a precious commodity she explained. The both of them knew perfectly well that regardless of how windy it was in the valley, there would be little more than a peaceful breeze among Bo’s white-golden branches. Auryn began to remind their mother of this but a not so obvious kick from his younger sibling kept him silent. Auryn decided to take the hint.

Their mother pretended to not see Kyndra’s actions and continued saying that she needed to start boiling a batch of what Kyndra called “the white stuff” which would become the base for several of her different poultices and salves. She understood how her children disliked the pungent odor and would only gripe while it was boiling. It would be better to give them a task that they enjoyed.

“Each of you take a satchel, see if you can at least fill up one of them between the two of you.” She knew they would happily fill both.

“Is Donovan coming soon?” Kyndra tried to change the subject as she grabbed the leather bag and swung it over her shoulder.

Auryn was just now realizing that what their mother really needed was more time to prepare for his celebration. He followed suit and shouldered the remaining bag. Kyndra knew the trader’s bi-monthly route was due to bring him this way and looked forward to the hard candies that he brought and shared with her and Auryn. Originally, their family had made the trip eastward to Haverglenn for supplies and to hand deliver medicinal orders to mother’s customers. Eventually, as the demand for their family’s remedies increased, they found selling to the local business and places of healing more efficient. Donovan, less of an actual trader and more the local cleric, had offered to run basic supplies, customer orders, and deliver medicines for their family in exchange for donated medicines for the several of the churches in the city. Of course they still made the occasional trip for specific supplies, more complex orders, or simply for leisure.

“It’s Cleric Donovan, Kyndra.” She gave a look that all but stated I’ve told you this before, then continued, “And I ‘spect he’ll show when his duties allow, the fellow’s busy and has better things t’do than spoil little girls with berry and sugar confections.”

Kyndra, only half listening, was already halfway out the door calling for her brother to follow and did not catch the smile that nearly escaped their mother’s lips.

“You better get going on after her Auryn. Try en’ be back ‘for noon, and ware them forest boar, they’re friendly enough at a distance but downright nasty if surprised.”

Auryn, used to such admonitions, agreed and then opened his satchel to place a skin of water inside. Noticing the honey biscuits his mother already placed within, he smiled and stepped through the open sun-filled door after his sister. Despite the breeze, the day was clear and pleasant. Kyndra ran nearly the whole way constantly urging her brother to hurry up.

Both satchels lay propped against one of Bo’s many trunks; empty of biscuits but full of purple blossoms. The children had worked quickly. To their surprise, quite a few of the violet flowers had actually fallen overnight from the storm. Perhaps that should have been their first warning. Instead, they counted themselves lucky, the excitement of the day had left them energetic and ready for adventure. The satchels had been quickly filled leaving plenty of time before noon to enjoy themselves.

It was true that Auryn had come to rely on the gentle and mysterious aura that surrounded the R’leigh Bo. And why not? The Bo had protected them for years, had provided for them in numerous ways. Perhaps he had put too much trust in a relic from a time long past. That didn’t seem quite right though. If anything, his ability to run the branches had improved, he had thought he had learned to rely less and less on the mysterious aura. Maybe that was it. Maybe it was simply that Bo hadn’t been ready for Auryn’s sudden uncharacteristic over-reliance. However, as soon as he had considered the idea, he dismissed it. It didn’t make sense. He had slipped before. Bo had always intervened, either gently pushing him alight again or guiding him to the nearest lower branch or forest floor.

All these thoughts flashed through his mind as he fell.

This time was different. No gentle force hindered his fall. For the briefest of moments, whatever power within the R’leigh Bo had vanished. Forty paces high, the fall had seemed slow at first, while thoughts rushed through his mind. Now time sped up as branches flew passed him raking his skin, always just out of reach of his random flailing. The shock of actually falling still held him in confusion, but at the end he caught his sister’s confused gaze once more. Realization finally began to dawn. Something was terribly wrong. A final thought panicked through Auryn’s mind, “Get out of there Kyndra, there’s something wrong with Bo!” He began to voice his warning, but the ground interrupted him.


 Copyright © 2017 by David Kottas. All rights reserved 

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A Description Of My Novel In Progress

A World Long Sundered -- Chapter 1


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Posting the next chapter in the comment section for convenience.

CHAPTER 3
https://steemit.com/writing/@nexusfyre/a-world-long-sundered-chapter-3

Thoroughly enjoyed reading this chapter in your tale. The descriptions flowed smoothly, and the characters are filled with depth and uniqueness. The central idea of the tree and it's ancient power is one I like, I think you have rendered it well, weaving your tale around it as you have here.

Whilst I don't think the chapter itself is too long, and it ends just right, with the sense of mystery and intrigue, this would make for easier reading spread over two posts, perhaps? This may just be me, so see what other feedback you get on this issue. I know you have since split the first chapter, so I won't belabour the point.

And lastly, like you say it's a first draft, so as to be expected a few spelling and grammar errors (I can point them out if you like - but they are so minor to the reading they do not detract from the enjoyment of the story). One issue I will bring to your attention. You may disagree with this point, but I noticed it as it is something I am focusing on in my own writing, and that is the use of 'said' or similar simple or plain dialogue descriptors. At one point you wrote:

“Wow! I’m surprised you found so many of them, Kyn. It’s harder to find them in midsummer.” he relinquished.

The word 'relinquished' comes across as awkward here, at least to me. Something I am learning is to never fear the word 'said' if you do need to write a dialogue description.

But anyway, those very minor points do no in anyway diminish my appreciation for the writing and the story you have presented here. Will certainly keep reading it.

Gonna have to upvote your response there! This is awesome. I wish everyone would take the time to write responses like this! Thank you! I believe you are right. I posted this chapter 2 before I got it seriously edited (except by me). My first chapter was around 6K words long, so I broke it up. I should probably do the same with this one. As for the dialogue tags, this is something I've just recently been learning to do better. I think removing "he relinquished" completely would be a much better flow. As you know, the wonderful people over at the Fiction Workshop would agree with you :P Chapter 3 is more thoroughly edited. I hope you reading! Thank you again for your help hear and also in the Fiction Workshop!

6K words is quiet an effort. That isn't a problem necessarily. I personally find such a lengthy post difficult to read on a computer. My concentration starts going. And that has nothing to do with the quality of the writing. I find that I naturally write a little different for a computer based audience. Like breaking parts up into approx 1500 word segments, so long as it keeps in flow with the story.

You do what works best for you, and you seem to be getting good help from the Workshop on that front. I think their advice is leading you in the right direction.

But back to your story - well worth reading. I am not a big reader of fantasy itself, but if the key elements are done well then I can get pulled into the story. And you did that. I am intrigued and curious about the direction, the backstory, the setting. Keep going.

Well thank you again, that means a lot to me. And you are right, 1500 i think should be about max per post. I just wrote a more personal article which I think will fit that structure better. If you have a chance, let me know what you think!
https://steemit.com/writing/@nexusfyre/dreamscapes-1-the-labyrinth-of-desire

Wow. It was really great reading. Couldnt stop reading :0) love the way you write feelt like I was there in R'leigh Bo with them and got a picure in my head what it might looked like.
You also made it feel like we really get to know Kyndra and Aurya, love the little jokes between them and her nanna card when she doesnt want to answer :0)
Great reading. I found one place were a word was written 2 times after each other....it may not be a spelling fault but just wanted to tell u
This is the place:

Mother had never really explained the tree's purpose,
If it had had one in...... there is 2 had had
Sorry hope I didnt effend u cause I loved the reading.
Thx for sharing this. U made my evening :0)
Upvoted

Wow! Thank you so much for reading so diligently! No, you will never offend me if you're offering legitimate constructive criticism. In fact, I appreciate you going on a limb and bringing this point up. I've always had trouble deciding when I'm supposed to use one 'had' or two. I think it has something to do with using had in the Past Perfect Tense. I'll have to run this one by my awesome peers in our MSP Discord channel. Maybe I'll see you there sometime! Cheers!

Ur welcome :-0) and how could I not read it,
its amazing work u have done and it was a pleasure reading it.
I understand what u mean by wondering if u should use a word once or twice :0) sometimes it needs to be used twice or it sounds funny.
You wanna hear something crazy :0)
Yesterday I said to my sister, I havent read a book in over 2 years and I really miss it.
And boom....there ur chapter was....lol
The discord channel. Discord what is that?
Would be fun checking it out.
Thank u so much for taking ur time to comment and I wish u a great weekend.
I will be back for more ♡ tale care!

Yeah, I get caught up with everything and forget to just simply sit and have my quiet time to read as well. I think it is important, though, to see all the different writing styles. It helps to develop your own voice. As for Discord, its a chat room program used for lots of different things. There are different channels you can belong to. The MSP (Minnow Support Project) is quite a large channel that provides support to minnows like me in the form of editing, peer review, promotion and more. @rhondak (one of the moderators) has been a huge help and is an amazing editor. She wrote a great info post on MSP and how to join if you're interested.
https://steemit.com/writing/@rhondak/the-msp-fiction-writers-workshop
You can find me in the fiction-workshop channel a lot. There is a slight learning curve so if you need help, just ask for @rhondak , me , or @mk40 in the general chat. Have a wonderful day!

U are so right, inportant to read different styles. That way u get a much wider prespective.
Thx for the info I will check it out and thx for taking ur time with me.
Have a great day!

Awesome. You're writing flows in much the same fashion as Robert Jordan. Genuinely, awesome wordsmithing and definitely engaged.

Oh wow...That means a lot to me. He's one of my favorites. Now i'm motivated even more. I love this place! You guys make it awesome!

"The shower lasted the rest of the day which replaced their normal watering duties with a few items their mother needed catching up on. " -> So much details, reminds me of the Lord of the Rings books.

Hopefully, I'm not going overboard with the description. I appreciate your input, and such a comparison to a legendary series is humbling. Although, I know I have A LOT of improving to be worthy of such praise. Thank you so much!

Wow, so beautiful that you take time to write this. You have powerful words. Kudos to you my friend!

Hey thanks for taking the time to read it! I know my chapters are a bit long, so the real kudos are to you and your patience :D !

They are long but interesting bro

It took me half an hour to read! Woah! well written! By the way I would highly appreciate If you can take time to visit my Introduction Looking Forward To Meeting New Friends Lemme know your thoughts. :)

Hey there and thanks for taking the time, I will be happy to look at your introduction. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

nice post like it

I'm glad, thanks for the kind words.

With my pleasure my friend

Great content.
I enjoyed it.

I'm glad that you enjoyed it and thank you for taking the time to post as well! People like yourself make for an awesome community here.

You're welcome dear

amazing work

Thank you good sir!